


Too Familiar

by hutchabelle



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Extramarital Affairs, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2018-05-31 08:57:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6464032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hutchabelle/pseuds/hutchabelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katniss and Peeta enjoy a close friendship that might be a little too familiar, especially when one of them is married. Prompt: Envy</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  
Katniss smiled as she read the text messages that flashed on her phone screen. Her co-worker and friend, Peeta Mellark, and she had enjoyed a running commentary for the past few months—ever since they both begrudgingly admitted that they shared the same corny sense of humor. Katniss found him remarkably funny and had lost track of the times she’d (literally) laughed out loud at a quip he’d sent.

 

“This guy is too much sometimes,” she muttered under her breath before typing a quick note back to him.

 

She tapped her fingers on her desk until her phone vibrated and then smirked at his pithy reply. Their banter helped pass time in the office on both good and bad days. She genuinely wasn’t sure how she’d made it through marathons of research and report writing before he brightened her existence. As far as she was concerned, he was a godsend.

 

“Better watch yourself, Brainless.”

 

Katniss jerked her gaze away from her phone and locked eyes with Johanna Mason, her incredibly snarky co-worker who seemed to think Katniss wanted to hear every thought that entered her mind. To say Johanna was outspoken was the understatement of the century, and Katniss had been over it for the past six months.

 

“Mind your own business, Mason,” Katniss snarled and sent a series of emojis to Peeta to continue their long-running joke.

 

“Mmmm, the ice queen speaks,” her co-worker sneered. “I thought the only person that could get a word out of you was Blondie over there.”

 

Katniss pointedly returned to her computer screen and entered the statistics from the report she was working on into the database. As casually as she could, she insisted, “Peeta and I are friends. Of course he can get me to talk.”

 

“Friends, huh?” Johanna argued with a cocked eyebrow. “Is that what they’re calling it nowadays?”

 

Katniss slammed her hand on her desk and demanded, “What are you trying to say, Johanna? Why don’t you stop beating around the bush and come out with it?”

 

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to beat around the bush. Save that for your lover boy. I bet he wants to get in your bush so bad he beats it under his desk.”

 

“Bitch,” Katniss hissed through gritted teeth. Without another word, she pushed back from her workstation and stalked down the hall.

 

Johanna called after her retreating back, “Make sure to tell your boy toy that I’m the bad guy!”

 

Refusing to turn around, Katniss flipped the bird over her shoulders with both hands. Her female co-worker had always been hard to get along with, but she’d gotten infinitely worse as Katniss’ friendship with Peeta had deepened. She wondered absent-mindedly if Johanna was jealous, but dismissed the idea almost immediately. It didn’t matter the motivation for her misbehavior; Katniss was tired of operating in a hostile work environment. If Johanna’s continued to conduct herself in that manner, Katniss would have to report the borderline bullying to her boss, Haymitch Abernathy. She’d only resisted as long as she had because he seemed to appreciate Johanna’s bluntness and raunchy sense of humor.

 

Katniss slipped through the hallway to the research room where Peeta worked and stopped at her friend’s desk. He didn’t immediately see her since he was so intent on the report in front of him. Katniss didn’t mind. Instead, she took advantage of his obliviousness to observe him.

 

To a normal person, Katniss knew Peeta was gorgeous. Sun streaked tousled curls fell across his forehead and ended in a riotous mess just above his collar so that she could see a smooth patch of lightly bronzed skin at the nape of his neck. His eyelashes were so long they often tangled when he blinked, and his full lips split into a wide grin so often that she wondered sometimes if he was Lewis Carroll’s Cheshire Cat—a much kinder and less manipulative version, to be sure. She couldn’t see them at the moment, but she knew the exact shade of cornflower blue that surrounded his pupils as well as the ring of darker blue—indigo, almost midnight blue—that ringed his irises.

 

From the neck up, Peeta Mellark looked like a Greek god, but after that… Well, his body reminded her of a Michelangelo—all taut and sinewy and sculpted into a mass of muscles and bone that defied the laws of nature. His forearms rippled when he typed, and the slightly raised veins in his hands indicated that he worked out often.

 

She didn’t mean to clear her throat since she enjoyed looking at him when he was so casual and unaffected, but the tickle in her chest leftover from the cold she’d had the week before betrayed her. At the sound, he glanced up and beamed at the sight of her.

 

“Hey, Katniss,” he drawled with just a hint of his Appalachian accent. “What’s up?” She grinned back at him, suddenly acutely aware that she never really smiled at anyone other than him.

 

“Taking an early lunch,” she admitted. “You at a stopping point? It’s my turn to buy. You mentioned you wanted to try that new deli on the corner the other day. Are you up for it now?”

 

Peeta nodded his assent and quickly straightened his desk so all private information was locked away from roaming eyes. They had jobs as social workers at one of the largest agencies in the nation, and every employee knew how important it was to maintain confidentiality in his or her projects.

 

“Ready,” he announced and rose from his desk. Subconsciously, she noticed the way his light blue dress shirt stretched across his broad shoulders and the unruly lock of hair fell across his forehead as it always did, but she didn’t give it much thought. That was part of her routine when she was around him, and it didn’t seem to make any difference in how they acted together.

 

“How’s your case load?” she asked as they walked to the elevator. She needed to vent, but she wanted to get away from the agency before she spilled her guts. She wasn’t sure how well she’d be able to temper her fury, and she couldn’t risk that any of her other co-workers would overhear.

 

“Heavy,” he confessed, “but I think I’m making some progress. Got a dozen kids placed with foster families this week, so I’m feeling a little better about it. There’s still so much to do, though. You know how it is.”

 

She did know. Their field of work wasn’t easy, but Katniss felt a sense of duty to help those less fortunate than herself after the life she’d led. She knew she was lucky to have escaped the traumas of her youth without any major problems. She had plenty of baggage; she was reminded of that every time she attempted to date, but she’d finally realized everyone had problems. Her relative success at escaping a life of desperation and isolation is what drove her to try to help make a difference every single day.

 

As they emerged from District 12’s stuffy government office building, Katniss breathed in the cool, crisp air. The smell of last night’s rain clung to the breeze and covered the smog that usually hung in the sky. She often yearned for the rural setting of her hometown, but she certainly didn’t miss the poverty and lack of opportunities there.

 

Before she could slip into a spiral of anger about her formative years, she turned her head to Peeta and announced, “I’m going to kill Johanna.”

 

“That sounds fairly violent. What for this time?” Peeta asked.

 

“She talked shit about us again. Basically said you beat off at your desk thinking about me.”

 

He released a bark of laughter before coughing to cover. Without missing a beat, he quipped, “That’s what that noise was. I thought it was a jackhammer on the street.”

 

She snorted before slinging back, “You wish you were that big.”

 

“And how do you know I’m not, Everdeen?”

 

She paused a second before pointing out the obvious. “Well, your wife might be pissed if I took a look at your junk, Mellark. That’s kinda her territory.”

 

“Touché,” he agreed as he opened the door to Sae’s Deli and motioned her inside. “After you, m’dear.”

 

“What a gentleman. How is Madge, by the way? She feeling any better?” Katniss asked the question casually as she perused the chalk-written menu that hung behind the counter.

 

Peeta brushed his left hand through his unruly tresses, and the florescent lights caused his wedding band to glint. “Yeah, she’s good. We’re well into the second trimester now, so she’s not as exhausted as she has been. You probably noticed I haven’t been texting as much after work.”

 

She had realized they talked less after leaving the office, but it hadn’t bothered her much. She figured he was busy, so she hadn’t given it a lot of thought. “Ah… Makes sense. Let me know if I ever bother you. Don’t want to intrude.”

 

“It’s all good,” he assured her. “You know what you want? I think I’ll have the chicken salad on the pecan roll.”

 

“Turkey on asiago. Wanna half it with me? White cheddar or provolone?”

 

“Sure. Try Muenster. That’ll give it a better texture,” he suggested.

 

She nodded and moved forward to order. “You’re the expert, baker boy.”

 

“That was a part time job for one summer over a decade ago. Shut it. I’ll grab us a table.”

 

Katniss explained what she and Peeta wanted to the worker and grabbed a bag of chips for her and a banana for Peeta. He liked to eat as healthily as possible, but he usually ended up snagging some of her chips and allowed her to take a bite or two of his fruit.

 

She chortled softly as she recalled the first time she’d felt comfortable enough with him to make a joke about a blowjob when she bit off the end of his banana. He’d laughed at her dirty mind and asked about her social life in the next breath. When he found out she’d been single for several years, he told her he’d work on setting her up with some of his available friends. Unfortunately, none of them had been her type yet, but he was determined to help her find someone.

 

Katniss pushed his bottle of Pellegrino toward him and returned to their earlier topic of conversation. “So now that Madge isn’t so exhausted, what’s the staple of the second trimester?”

 

She cocked an eyebrow at him when the tips of his ears turned pink and a flush crept up his neck. “Uh… Well, I, uh…” he stammered and rubbed the back of his neck anxiously.

 

“What?” she queried as she peeled his banana and took a small bite before handing it to him. She grew even more confused when he stared at the fruit she offered him like it was a weapon. “Was I not supposed to take a bite?”

 

He shook himself slightly and blurted, “No, it’s fine, Kat. Katniss. Sorry. I know you hate that nickname. The banana… Nevermind. Not important.”

 

“Okay…?”

 

He glanced at her sheepishly and admitted, “It was the timing. I was just about to say that the second trimester’s thing is apparently unbridled horniness just as you put the banana in your mouth. It was, uh, a visual that’s been all too familiar the past few days.”

 

She snorted again and had to cover her mouth as she collapsed into a coughing fit. “Oh my gawwwd,” she snickered, “Madge’s been sucking you off every day, hasn’t she?”

 

“It’s not the worst thing that’s ever happened,” he remarked pointedly. He grabbed his sandwich as the worker appeared with their order, and Katniss chuckled again.

 

“I bet not. Better than having to take care of yourself like you did last month. Still can’t believe you blurted that out over dessert that day, by the way.”

 

“You’d plied me with chocolate!” he protested. “In my defense, that cake was pretty orgasmic, and I couldn’t keep my sex secrets inside any longer.”

 

Katniss shook her head at him and took a bite of her sandwich. After she swallowed through a disbelieving moan, she said, “Speaking of orgasmic…”

 

“Damn straight,” he agreed. “This place is good. We’re coming back here.” She chewed a few more bites of her sandwich thoughtfully before reaching over to exchange the other half with his. She offered her bag of chips, and he grabbed a few before she spoke.

 

“In all seriousness though, Peeta. What am I going to do about Johanna? I can’t keep listening to her bullshit about us. There’s no us to talk about, and yet, she keeps babbling.” Katniss’ stomach dropped as she realized how much she dreaded going back to the office.

 

Peeta and she had a great friendship, much closer than most opposite sex friends enjoyed without anything romantic developing between them. Katniss knew Peeta was gorgeous, and he complimented her often on her eyes or hair or outfit. He’d even called her beautiful several times. Still, nothing had ever gone past the affectionate ribbing each gave the other. She knew he was married; he never gave her any impression that he wanted her in any way other than as a buddy. She’d met his wife, and they got along as well as any single woman could with the spouse of a close male friend. Why, then, did Johanna insist on torturing her with lewd comments about Peeta?

 

“To be totally honest, I don’t know,” he admitted. “She’s only talking, but I know you’re frustrated and upset with her. If it makes you feel any better about it, I don’t really care if she makes idiotic remarks about me or not, but I’m also not the one who has to work with her every day. I barely see her.”

 

“How can you not care that she’s insinuating an inappropriate relationship between us? Doesn’t that bother you?” Katniss had always prided herself on her integrity. Johanna’s comments hurt because they attacked the very fabric of Katniss’ moral fiber. Peeta was her friend; nothing more, and it pissed her off that his reputation as a married, soon-to-be-father could be at all sullied by his connection to her. It made her more furious that her single status painted her as either a pariah or a vixen.

 

“Kat— Yes, I’m using my pet name for you— You’re a great friend—one I can tell everything to, but we’ve done absolutely nothing to warrant Johanna’s comments. My wife knows I’m a flirt. In college she used to tease me that I could charm a nun into bed, but I only use that power for good. In fact, I don’t have to use it at all right now, thanks to the second trimester.” He winked at her and bit into a chip. “I don’t feel guilty for having a close friend who happens to be female and single and beautiful. It’s not my fault that no other man has realized how special and wonderful you are. If I’d met you a decade ago… Well, let’s just say Madge would have been right to be jealous, and Johanna’s comments would be accurate and not crude.”

 

Abashed, Katniss blushed and stared at the rest of her sandwich. “Thank you,” she said in a near-whisper. That was the first time she could remember Peeta hinting that they could have been something more under different circumstances. A pang shot through her, and it took her a few minutes to realize how envious she was of Peeta’s wife.

 

“You’re welcome,” he answered, his tone matter-of-fact. “It’s her problem if she can’t understand a platonic relationship that doesn’t fit her definition of normal.”

 

“To be fair, I think most people don’t get us,” she admitted, and her shoulders slumped under the weight of her confession.

 

“Their loss. Sucks for them that they can’t enjoy what we have.”

 

She tipped her glass at him. “Fair point.” She refused to admit that what she shared with him flirted with the boundary between platonic and physical attraction.

 

“All better?” When she nodded, he plunked his chin into his palm and gushed, “Okay, so now to the important stuff. Who’ve you got for the big game this week?”

 

They passed the rest of their break teasing and joking with each other before heading back to the office. As the elevator dinged and stopped at their floor, Peeta pulled Katniss into a tight hug and dropped a kiss on the crown of her head.

 

“Don’t let her get you down, girl. If she mouths off, shoot straight. Figuratively, of course.”

 

She shook her head at his retreating back and shuffled her way to her desk. Relief surged through her when she realized Johanna and most of her other co-workers weren’t at their desks. She plunked down in her chair and attempted to put herself back into a work mindset, but she was distracted by a gentle cough from Annie Odair, her co-worker to the other side.

 

Without taking her eyes off her computer screen, Katniss asked, “You haven’t taken lunch yet, Annie? Did you draw the straw for the late shift today?”

 

“No,” her colleague answered. “I volunteered to eat late today. I thought maybe we’d get a chance to talk without anyone else around that way.”

 

Surprised, Katniss paused with her hand in midair. “Why did you want to talk to me?”

 

Annie laughed at the incredulity in Katniss’ question. “Why wouldn’t I want to talk to you?”

 

“I don’t… I have no idea. I mean, I don’t know. Good god. Why the hell am I babbling like a moron?” Katniss snapped her mouth shut and fought to control her flaming cheeks. “I mean, what would you like to talk about—with me?”

 

Annie gave her a reassuring smile before saying, “I’m sorry Johanna’s giving you trouble about your friendship with Peeta. My husband Finnick is an even bigger flirt than he is, and so many women seem to misunderstand what it is they mean to him.”

 

Her temper flared, and she blurted, “Are you saying Peeta’s leading me on? Unintentionally or not?”

 

“No! Oh no, Katniss,” she cried. “No, that’s not what I meant at all. I’m just trying to say that I can understand why you’re upset by what Johanna says to you. But—”

 

“But what?” Katniss’ go-to defense mechanism was often anger, and she felt it now with a vengeance.

 

Annie shrugged and sighed dreamily, “I can understand how Johanna could misinterpret what you and Peeta share together. Probably most people do. That doesn’t make it any less real.”

 

Her throat tightened with emotion, and Katniss mumbled quietly, “Thank you, Annie. That means a lot to me.”

 

“Of course. I know we don’t know each other that well, but you can always talk to me if you need someone, a girlfriend or something. I know Peeta’s a great guy, but sometimes you just need a female to talk to about stuff—especially because he’s so wonderful.”

 

“Meaning what?” Katniss demanded as her temper sparked again.

 

Annie smiled gently and explained, “Peeta is a handsome, kind, smart, wonderful man—one people can’t help but like and admire. It would be awfully hard to fight that attraction. If you ever want some space, I’m here for you.”

 

Katniss wasn’t sure how much she agreed with Annie’s assessment, but she still appreciated her friend’s offer. She’d been telling herself for months that she hadn’t noticed the way his blue eyes twinkled when he winked at her or the way her gaze focused on his full lips when he talked more often than not. She’d convinced herself that the dream she’d had about him two weeks ago was the result of reading a romance novel before bed and not a true indication of her feelings. Unfortunately, she was starting to run out of ways to assure herself she didn’t consider Peeta more than just a friend.

 

She pushed the troubling thoughts from her mind and turned her attention back to Annie. “I’m sure I’ll take you up on that at some point.”

 

“I hope you do,” Annie murmured. “Oh… They’re coming back. Guess I’ll take my lunch now.”

 

“Have a good one,” Katniss said as she grabbed her earphones from her purse and untangled them quickly. She plugged them in and opened her music files before Johanna could say anything to her. With the noise blocking out external distractions, she spent the rest of the day engrossed in her work. She didn’t even bother to text Peeta back when he sent her several messages in a row. Strangely enough, it felt fairly liberating to ignore him for a few hours.

 

A few minutes before 5:00, Katniss closed the files she’d been working on and prepared to leave for the weekend. She almost jumped out of her skin when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

 

“Jesus, Peeta! You scared the shit out of me. A little warning next time,” Katniss sputtered as she pulled the earbuds free so she could hear something other than her favorite songs. He held his hands up in surrender with a self-satisfied smirk.

 

“Sorry! I didn’t realize you couldn’t hear me.” When she remained silent, he explained his presence by adding, “You didn’t answer my texts about grabbing a drink after work. I just came by to ask if you were up for it.”

 

Katniss almost agreed but caught a glimpse of both Johanna and Annie out of the corner of her eye. Johanna’s sneer sparked another surge of irritation, but it was Annie’s concerned look that convinced her she should say no. Something had felt off since they’d talked earlier, and Katniss wanted some time to analyze why she felt off center.

 

“I wish I could, Peet,” she said, hoping the use of his nickname would ease any hard feelings over her rejection. “Sorry, but I, uh, I made plans with Annie to get a round today. Right, Annie?”

 

Katniss cringed at the few seconds of silence before her co-worker agreed. “Yes! That’s absolutely right, Peeta. I’m sorry to steal her away from you, but I wanted some advice from Katniss about a…private matter.”

 

Peeta’s face fell briefly before he could hide his disappointment. “No problem, ladies. I hope you have a great time. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Katniss, or later tonight if you feel like it.”

 

“Sure. Absolutely,” she said with disguised relief. “Have a good night, Peeta.”

 

As she watched him walk toward the elevators, Johanna whistled under her breath. “No wonder you enjoy spending time with that stud, Brainless. Look at that ass.”

 

Katniss turned to tell her off, but Annie interrupted with something that almost sent her scurrying after Peeta. “Why don’t you come with us, Jo? I think it’d be a good idea to clear the air.”

 

“I don’t—” Katniss began but was interrupted before she could finish her thought.

 

“That sounds like an _excellent_ idea,” Johanna agreed.

 

Despite her attempts at protest, Katniss was dragged between the two out of the office and down the street to a martini bar she hadn’t realized existed. Before she could make a move to leave, a waitress appeared, and Annie ordered a round for them.

 

“Okay, what the hell?” Katniss muttered as her companions pinned her to her chair with pointed stares.

 

“Please don’t be upset with me,” Annie pled. “I just wanted a chance to ask you some questions about what’s going on and maybe help you figure out how to deal with your situation.”

 

“And I’m just a nosy bitch who’ll say what Annie won’t,” Johanna jeered. “Sit down, Brainless. I’m sorry I’ve been so snarky to you, but I’m tired of you not being smart.”

 

Their waitress set drinks in front of them just then, and Katniss resisted the urge to throw hers in her colleague’s face. Annie’s gentle voice broke through her murderous thoughts, and she was able to restrain herself.

 

“No one thinks you’re doing anything wrong, Katniss. I don’t, and I know Jo doesn’t either. Please let us explain our concern before you decide to leave.”

 

With a disgusted sigh, Katniss gulped half her martini and set the glass down sharply on the table. “Fine. State your case,” she told them with a wave of her hand.

 

Annie nodded nervously, but she seemed determined to make her friend understand. “I know Peeta’s your friend, and I know he’s a very, very good friend. I don’t think there’s anything at all wrong with that. Not in any way. I’ve never seen you behave in any way inappropriately. I’m not suggesting you’re crossing any lines.”

 

“But…?” Katniss asked.

 

“But he’s married,” Johanna stated bluntly. “He’s married and about to be a father, and he’s probably not thinking very straight right now.”

 

Katniss tilted her head at the words and furrowed her brow. “He’s been married the entire time we’ve been friends. Why is this suddenly a problem now?”

 

“I’m not saying it’s a problem,” Annie clarified. “At least it doesn’t have to be a problem.”

 

“What Annie is so politely trying to tell you and not actually saying is that he’s into you.”

 

Katniss spit the drink she’d just taken into her glass and coughed to clear her airway. “What?! What you _talking_ about?”

 

“Oh, come on, Brainless! Peeta Mellark is a walking hard-on when you’re around. He wants to bone you so hard, he can barely keep it in his pants,” Johanna exclaimed, and Katniss cringed at her crassness.

 

“That’s so beyond untrue that I don’t even know how to respond. Tell her, Annie,” Katniss urged. When she didn’t respond, Katniss turned her look of disbelief to her friend. “You think so too? Really?”

 

“I think Peeta is a man in a marriage he wanted when it happened, but he committed himself much too early in life—before he found his soulmate. I think he knows that, and he feels guilty for being drawn to you. Because of that, he gave in when Madge pushed him to have a child,” Annie stated softly but firmly.

 

“Wh-what are you saying?” Katniss whispered as her mind whirled in confusion.

 

“She’s saying that every person in that office knows you’re the one he should be with and not his wife. Peeta’s and Madge’s shitty marriage was water cooler talk before you got hired, so we all know it’s not nearly as perfect as he pretends it is now,” Johanna explained. “Madge is one of the most jealous people I’ve ever met, and Peeta’s worked hard to not give her a reason to ever feel that despite the number of women who’ve thrown themselves at him. You’re the first woman who’s ever caught his eye besides his wife. He likes you so much he can’t help but to create reasons to need to talk to you. Think about it. When you two started talking, how often did he ask you for advice about how to make her happy?”

 

“A lot,” she admitted just above a whisper. “He always couched it as bouncing ideas off me because I’m female… Oh god. Was he trying to loosen me up by trying to convince me he’s some sort of inept romantic?”

 

“I don’t think he meant to do anything wrong. Peeta is extremely ethical. He’s probably still in his marriage because he hates the idea of hurting anyone, and Madge has been an important part of his life for a long time,” Annie reassured her.

 

Johanna nodded in agreement before leaning forward and elaborating. “We’re not trying to stop you from being friends with him. We just want you to be careful and not get hurt. You’re a temptation to him, and he can’t stay away from you. As much as you don’t want to, you might have to be the one to walk away. It’s not fair, but then when is it for single women?”

 

Katniss laughed then, hollow and with more than a hint of bitterness. “So what you’re saying is that I have to be the strong one because he can’t help himself. I, the single female who hasn’t had a boyfriend in almost a decade, has to tell her best friend—the person who makes every day better—to stay away from me because he happens to be someone else’s husband. Because I tempt him? Because someone who no one else seems to want to date is such a huge threat to another woman’s marriage that I have to be completely miserable and alone? Because the woman who has what I wish was my life might possibly be jealous? Are you fucking kidding me?”

 

“Please don’t—” Annie began, but Katniss interrupted her.

 

“Don’t what? Don’t be pissed that someone who’s as close to perfect as I could have ever imagined is someone else’s husband? Don’t be mad as hell that I met him too late? Don’t be upset that I didn’t even realize how much he meant to me until you put it into my head that I might have to say goodbye to him to hold onto my dignity?” Katniss swallowed against the lump in her throat and glared at the other women. “Don’t be absolutely livid that someone else took away my happy ending?”

 

Annie reached for her hand to comfort her, but Katniss pushed back abruptly from the table. “I’m leaving. I know you’re trying to help, but I’m done listening.” Without another word, she grabbed her purse and stormed from the bar.

 

She was still fuming and incredibly miffed when she arrived at home. In an attempt to quell the hurt and loneliness she felt, she stripped and stepped under the spray of a steaming hot shower. As the water washed over her, she sobbed as her chest tightened.

 

Katniss didn’t want to admit that her colleagues had a point. Nothing had happened between her and Peeta, but she had to concede she’d imagined being with him as she struggled to fall asleep at night. During the day, she could convince herself there was nothing between them, as she had earlier that day at the deli. If she was being completely honest, they were flirting with a line she knew neither of them intentionally meant to cross.

 

She stood under the spray for several minutes, but she didn’t feel any better as she faced the reality of her situation. She burned for a release and considered utilizing the detachable showerhead, but the thought that she’d imagine Peeta’s body when she did so terrified her. Frustrated, she turned off the shower and toweled off before plaiting her hair into a braid and slipping on black pajama pants and a forest green fleece.

 

“Shitty day,” she muttered. “Might as well be comfortable.”

 

She’d just opened a bottle of wine and poured herself a glass when she heard a knock on the apartment door. Confused, she peeked through the peephole and gasped when she saw Peeta’s stricken face. Frantic with worry, she flipped the lock and flung open the door to face him.

 

“Are you okay?” she gasped. When he shook his head, she cried, “What happened? What’s wrong?”

 

He stepped in and tugged her into his embrace. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he sobbed into her damp hair. She clung to him, willing him to be fine, until he stopped shaking in her arms. When he finally pulled away, he wiped his face and stunned her with his confession. “I don’t think we can hang out anymore, Kat. I… I’m so sorry, but I need to focus on Madge—on the baby right now.”

 

She felt a fissure in her heart at his words. She’d already realized things would have to change between them, but she thought she’d have more time to make a decision about how that would look. Now he was taking that decision away from her. Heartbroken and stunned, she whimpered, “Why? What did I do wrong?”

 

“Nothing! Oh, sweetheart, you didn’t do anything wrong. It was all me,” he wept. “I’m the problem. Please don’t blame yourself.” Tears poured down his cheeks, and Katniss swept them away. He turned his head and kissed the inside of her palm, and she trembled as a jolt of desire swept through her. She forced herself to focus on his despair, which was evident in the redness that rimmed his eyes and the guilt reflected in the blue depths.

 

“What did you do?” she asked, her voice barely above a broken whisper. Peeta sucked in a shuddering breath and held it before he answered, but when he did, Katniss could hardly stand to listen.

 

“Madge was…ready to go when I got home today,” he said, hesitant and unsure. “She— Well, I told you what the second trimester’s like for her.”

 

“I remember,” she snapped.

 

“She was insatiable,” he groaned. “I barely had time to close the door before she—”

 

“I don’t want to hear about your wife’s mouth on your cock, Peeta,” Katniss barked. “Spare me the details.”

 

“It all happened so fast,” he offered in explanation.

 

“What did you do? Just tell me.”

 

His moan of anguish almost broke her heart until he admitted, “Katniss… I said your name, not hers.”

 

Her ears roared at his confession, and she wondered if she was going to faint as the blood rushed to her head. He’d not only crossed the line, he’d obliterated it.

 

“Get out,” she hissed.

 

“Katniss, please!” he begged as he reached for her. “Please understand—”

 

“Get out!” she yelled. “Go home to your pregnant wife. I’m not going to do this.”

 

“Kat—”

 

“Don’t Kat me,” she shouted. “You need to figure out what the hell you want. You’ve spent the past five months convincing me you love your wife and that I’m just your friend—as I should be while you’re married. If that’s not really the way it is, then you need to get your shit straight.”

 

“But—”

 

“No buts! No! This is hard enough without having to deal with your marriage. You have no idea how much I want what you have, and you’re screwing it up by spending time with me. You can’t imagine how much I want what your wife has.” Her chest heaved as she vented, but it felt really good to finally give voice to her frustrations. “I wish we’d met earlier, but we didn’t. If you’re determined to make your marriage work, then do it. If not, you know where to find me. Until then, leave me alone.”

 

Peeta’s shoulders slumped, and she could see the internal war in his mind. A flash of pity shot through her, and she grabbed his hand and towed him to the door before pushing him through.

 

“Go home, Peeta. I should have stopped things before we got too familiar, but we were having so much fun together. I deserve better than being a girl on the side, and so do you and your wife.” His haunted eyes held hers, but she remained firm. “Decide what you want. Make your choice. I’ll know either way. We haven’t gone too far yet, and I’d like to keep it that way.”

 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

 

“I know. I forgive you,” she said. “Now go.”

 

“How am I supposed to stay away from you, Katniss? Especially now that I know you want me too,” he whispered.

 

“I don’t know,” she said brokenly, “but you don’t have a choice.”

 

She closed the door before he could say another word and drifted back to the kitchen and her bottle of wine. She swallowed half the glass and poured another, thankful beyond words that it was Friday and she didn’t have to go back to the office for two more days. After another glass, she found her phone and scrolled through the archive of her texts with Peeta. When her eyes clouded with tears, she deleted the conversation.

 

Katniss moved down the hall to her bedroom but stopped when she caught sight of herself in the full-length mirror. She glared at her reflection in disgust at the worn green fleece she loved. All she could process was that the color she identified with and sought out the most reeked of wanting something she couldn’t have.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 was originally created for Candle for the Caribbean, a fundraiser for survivors of Hurricanes Irma and Maria sponsored by loveinpanem on tumblr.

 

Monday morning came much too soon, and Katniss considered calling in sick before dragging herself out of bed and climbing into the shower. Peeta had tried to contact her a few times after their fight on Friday night, but she wasn’t having any of it and finally turned off her phone for the entirety of Saturday and Sunday. Unfortunately, she knew she’d have to see him that day at work. There wasn’t any way to avoid running into him.

 

She took care with her appearance. If she didn’t, she knew Johanna and Annie would notice she looked withdrawn and peaked. She wove her hair into an elaborate braid she usually saved for special occasions and selected a muted orange sweater that highlighted her gray eyes. She was halfway to work before she realized she’d subconsciously chosen to adorn herself in Peeta’s favorite color.

 

_I said your name instead of hers._

_I said your name._

_Your name._

Peeta’s confession echoed in her ears as she bumped against others on the subway. She gritted her teeth and clenched her eyes shut and tried to pretend her heart wasn’t breaking.

 

At her stop, she fought through the crowd and up the stairs. She bypassed her usual morning coffee for fear she’d run into Peeta waiting for her inside the shop and took the stairs to her office instead of the elevator. She needed a few more minutes before she was willing to face him. Huffing slightly, she took a deep breath and opened the door. She deliberately kept her eyes forward as she passed the doorway to his bank of cubicles and heaved a sigh of relief when she managed to slip into her chair without anyone stopping her. She worked feverishly, hoping no one would bother her if she kept her eyes on her desk.

 

Annie nudged her at noon and asked quietly if she wanted to join the others for lunch, but Katniss shook her head. She had plans to eat in the small park behind the building and steer clear any of the local eating joints. It was one more way to avoid him.  She wove her way downstairs and out the back entrance of the building. Selecting a park bench partly obscured by low branches, she sank onto it and sighed.

 

“This sucks,” she breathed.

 

“Worst Monday of my life.”

 

“Holy shit, Peeta!” Katniss screeched. “Where the hell did you come from?”

 

He gave her a sad half-smile and motioned to his left. “I was over there when you came out. I didn’t want to scare you or drive you away, so I didn’t say anything. You seemed like you wanted to be alone.”

 

She snorted and studied her sandwich. “I don’t want to be alone.”

 

“Neither do I,” he whispered and motioned to the space beside her. “Can I sit down?  Please?”

 

“Why?” she asked, her voice wavering. “So you can say my name again?”

 

“Kat, I’m so sorry.”

 

“You should be.”

 

“You could be a little more compassionate, you know. It’s not like your marriage is on the rocks. You’re not the one who might lose your kid before it’s even born. I didn’t ask for this.”

 

“And you think I did?” she snapped, completely incredulous at his audacity. “You think I _asked_ for my best friend to yell my name when his pregnant wife sucked his dick? You think I want to be the other woman when I don’t even get the benefits of it?”

 

“Benefits of it? What—?” Peeta narrowed his eyes. “Wait. You want the benefits?”

 

She froze, her heart pounding hard in her chest. “I’m not going to dignify that with an answer.”

 

“Katniss…”

 

“Nope! Don’t go there.”

 

“Katniss—”

 

“We’re not happening,” she snapped and stood abruptly. “Don’t get some fantasy that you and I can be together if Madge decides to leave you. I’m not your safety net. Work it out with your wife.”

 

“Katniss!” he shouted at her retreating back, but she was already back inside the building and headed up to her cubicle before he could follow.

 

“Where’s the stud?”

 

“Shut up, Johanna,” Katniss snapped and worked through the papers on her desk. She entered column after column of data until 4:45. At precisely fifteen minutes before she knew Peeta would leave his desk, she shut down her computer, grabbed her purse, and slipped down the stairs to the street below. She was halfway home before her phone lit up with a series of messages. Apparently, he’d noticed she left early.

 

She scrolled through her phone, but nothing he’d written made her feel any better about the gulf that had opened between them. How could it have only been three days since the world spiraled out of control?

The days passed slowly without him. She got better at avoiding him, and Johanna and Annie refrained from making any comments about his absence, although Annie did apologize for what had happened over drinks. Peeta continued to talk to her occasionally, but they kept it light, impersonal, and extremely professional. His eyes lost their natural luster, and she dropped a few pounds from her already lean frame bringing her lunch instead of joining him at their local haunts. She tortured herself thinking about Madge’s lips wrapped around her husband’s cock and Peeta gripping her hair and thrusting into her mouth as she blew him. She woke from nightmares about dying alone as Peeta and Madge built a family with wide smiles and perfect vacations and a big house. She’d almost decided to get a cat, a big, fluffy orange one she’d name Buttercup, to keep her company when things finally broke.

 

The day started out poorly with a downpour and a soggy commute, but that didn’t compare to shock of being called into a meeting with her boss. Haymitch gazed at her mutely across the desk until a light knock sounded at the door, and he called for the person to enter. Katniss jumped when Peeta sank down in the chair next to her and glanced at her with a wry smile before turning his attention to their boss.

 

“Everdeen, Mellark, I’ve got a project I need some help with, and I think you two are the team to make it happen,” Haymitch barked gruffly. “It’s going to mean some overtime for you both, which I think you can appreciate with a bundle of joy on the way for you, boy, and…well, whatever it is you do with your time.”

 

Katniss blinked at him, too humiliated to respond. She hadn’t realized her empty social life was so apparent at work.

 

“You two are my stars,” he continued, “and you seem to get along well. I’m sure you can do it.”

 

“Mr. Abernathy, I’m not sure this is the best plan,” Peeta ventured. “I’ve got a lot going on at home, and Katniss is—”

 

“—happy to have the work,” she insisted and glared at her co-worker. “What do you need from us?”

 

She ignored Peeta’s look of surprise and concentrated on what the job entailed. Minutes later, she and Peeta were outside Abernathy’s office, and he was grinning at her with that familiar lopsided grin she’d missed so much.

 

“Happy to have the work, huh?” Peeta teased. “I’m happy to have an excuse to work with you.”

 

“That’s not what this is about,” she insisted and headed back to her desk.

 

“Are you sure? No way to avoid me now, sweetheart. Sounds like we’ll have several hours of close contact now.”

 

“Don’t call me sweetheart, Peeta. I need the money, and I’m not going to allow this…thing between us to cost me an opportunity for overtime. Maybe I can finally go on that vacation to Puerto Rico I always said I’d take once I turned thirty. Not getting any younger, am I?”

 

“Hey,” he said softly and stopped her with his hand on her arm. “I’m sorry for teasing. I’m really glad you said yes. We do work well together, and I’m tired of us trying to avoid each other. Can we start over? Be friends again? Maybe if I stopped acting so wounded we could have a real shot at it. I miss you, Kat.”

 

Heat radiated from his palm, and goosebumps rose on her skin underneath his loose grasp. It was unfair how easily he could tempt her. “I miss you too, Mellark.”

 

“I knew you couldn’t resist me.” His eyes twinkled as he grinned at her, and she gulped as her stomach clenched.

 

“I’m going to regret this.”

 

Peeta narrowed his eyes and cocked his head. A shy smile with a hint of sweetness tickled the side of his mouth. His voice felt like melted chocolate and velvet when he asked, “You’re going to regret what?”

 

“Come over,” she sighed. “This project is going to take forever, and I’m too tired to stay here or go out. I’m not going near Madge, so my place is the only choice.”

 

“That sounds…cozy.”

 

“Don’t get any ideas,” she snapped. “This is for work.”

 

“Of course it is,” he agreed softly. “I’ll meet you at your place at 6:30. I need to stop by home first.”

 

“Yes, your daily blowjob awaits.”

 

“Katniss—”

 

“No worries. I’ll get my date with my vibrator done before you get there.”

 

She almost felt sorry for him as she walked back to her desk. She ignored Johanna and Annie’s questioning looks and spent the day working her caseload. At five, she grabbed her bag and headed for the elevator. Peeta’s shocked expression from earlier played before her as she caught the subway home and jostled against her fellow commuters. As she entered her apartment, she tossed her jacket on the couch and headed to the bedroom to change. Slipping out of her work clothes, she chose a comfortable cotton button down and a pair of well-worn jeans.

 

“Shouldn’t be too tempting for him,” she muttered and crossed to her bedside table to plug in her cell phone. She plopped onto the bed and her eyes instinctively glanced at the drawer in her nightstand. She’d been joking when she said it, more intent on irritating him than being truthful, but frustration nipped at her. She had time. It had been a couple of weeks since she’d even thought about it, too ashamed of the situation with her best friend to admit she usually imagined him when she masturbated.

 

“Fuck it,” she grunted and unzipped her pants, grabbed her vibrator, and lay back on her bed.

 

The familiar buzz soothed her as she slid the plastic between her legs. Her eyes fluttered closed as she glanced over her clit. Finding a rhythm, she pushed and circled and rubbed until her heartrate increased and her arousal eased the friction. In no time, small jolts of pleasure radiated out through her limbs.

 

“Yessssssss…. Right there,” she gasped to the empty room, but she couldn’t block out the image of sparkling blue eyes and ashy blonde curls hovering over her. “Peeta…”

 

Katniss shoved aside the twinge of guilt lurking beneath her enjoyment and turned up the speed. Her hips began to thrust of their own accord, and she pressed harder against her clit before teasing her entrance. She turned her head to the side and bit her lip.

 

“Oh, fuck,” she groaned. “Yeah. Harder. Go harder, Peeta.”

 

She kicked at the mattress, irritated by her jeans restricting her at the knees. With her free hand, she traced her stomach under her shirt. She reached into the nightstand drawer and fumbled until she found the small bottle of lube. Clenching her legs together to hold her vibrator in place, she squirted a small dab into her hand before slathering it in her slit and on the silicon.

 

“Touch me,” she hissed into the air and closed her eyes. She imagined his hands caressing her, kneading her skin, and massaging her muscles. “Inside…please.”

 

She spread her legs wider and circled her clit with her middle finger as she slid her vibrator into her pussy. She gasped and squirmed as it filled her, pulsating and insistent. Sparks of desire joined to fuel a burning sensation she hadn’t felt in weeks. As her mood lifted and her breaths grew shorter, she worked herself faster and faster until she tightened like a spring.

 

“Peeta, baby. I need to come. Make me come.”

 

She flicked the dial to the highest speed, and it was only a few more moments before her orgasm flashed through her. She squealed and jerked as her muscles clenched and released in a series of spasms. Peeta’s blue eyes and full lips hovered in her mind as she came and then came again.

 

“Shit, yes! Ohmigod. So hot, Peeta.”

 

She continued to mumble as heat flooded her. She was on fire, burning with the light of a thousand suns, as she chased her climax. Her legs shook, and she moaned thankfully as her hands finally fell to her sides.

 

It was a while, probably a full minute before she realized the vibrator continued to pulse between her legs, and she reached down to turn it off. With a satisfied groan, she pulled it free and wiped it clean before stashing it back in her drawer. Sighing, she reveled in her release before eventually rolling from the bed, redressing, and straightening her braid.

 

Her euphoria passed much too soon, and shame rushed in to replace what had felt so good only a few minutes before.

 

“Fuck,” she cursed as she stumbled to the bathroom and washed her hands. “I just jacked off to fantasies of my best friend. My married best friend. Who’s about to be a father.” She shook her head and glared at herself, but she couldn’t help the sparkle in her eye or the limpness in her arms. It felt amazing, and she couldn’t quite be disgusted with herself when this was all she had.

 

She was still glowing when the doorbell rang a half hour later. Hyper aware of her slightly mussed hair and flushed face, she opened the door to find Peeta standing there. His eyes held a hint of hope mixed with caution, and he seemed relieved when she waved him inside and to the kitchen table where she’d set up a workspace.

 

“I haven’t been here for a while,” he murmured. “I like the changes.”

 

She glanced at the couch and bit her lip to hid the smile lurking there. She’d added a couple of throw pillows for a pop of color and a few pictures she’d taken of sunsets when she was home visiting her sister a few months prior. They were an homage to him, she realized now, but she shoved that from her mind. They needed to work, and she didn’t need to think about why she’d decorated her apartment with her best friend in mind.

 

“How was your blowjob?” she asked bluntly and sat at the table.

 

He flushed and settled into the chair next to her. She didn’t miss that he adjusted himself discreetly before answering, “Katniss, I’m sorry, but maybe that’s not the most appropriate topic considering the mess we’re in.”

 

“Probably not,” she retorted, “but I’d like to know your head’s in the game instead of still back at your house in your wife’s mouth.”

 

He coughed and stared miserably at the pile of papers in front of him. “It was fine,” he admitted quietly. “Good, I mean. Got the job done.”

 

“Excellent. Just excellent. My vibrator did the same. Multiple orgasms before you got here. Let’s work, shall we?”

 

“Katniss—”

 

“Can you hand me the file for Glimmer Johnson? Worst hooker name ever, by the way,” she joked forcefully, determined not to allow their conversation to stray from the task at hand. She’d gotten in her digs, tortured him enough. Now it was time to work. Maybe if they did that, they could slip back into their familiar place.

 

 _Too familiar_ , she told herself, but then shook it off. This was the new normal of their relationship, and she was just going to have to get used to it.

 

Two hours later, they were both bleary-eyed as they sorted through case after case. They argued and bantered about each one in an attempt to find solutions for the problems each represented. Which kids needed foster homes? Why did one mother deserve to keep her children while another didn’t? Where were the fathers, and why were only some of them interested in keeping up with their progeny?

 

“I swear I’m going to be a better dad than this,” Peeta muttered as he scanned images of a young girl named Clove with bruises on her arms and neck. “Child abuse is sick. Who beats a kid?”

 

“You’re going to be a great father, and you know it,” she mumbled as she shook her head. “Dedicated. Loving. Present.”

 

“Present… That’s the goal, right?”

 

She glanced up at him and frowned at his sad smile. He raised his eyes to hers, and she couldn’t look away. The agony she saw there broke her heart, and she couldn’t deny the hint of yearning and a tiny bit of lust that lingered in the depths. The war inside him between doing what was right and giving into his feelings for her was as obvious as the electricity sparking between them. For a spilt second, she imagined sweeping the papers onto the floor and using the surface for much more lurid purposes.

 

He cleared his throat, and she blinked as the connection between them snapped. Flustered, she closed a file folder and pushed back from the table.

 

“I should go.”

 

She opened the refrigerator and stared into it. “You probably should. The wife’s waiting, and we got a lot done.”

 

“It was really good to see you, Katniss. Outside the office, I mean. I’ve missed you so much the past few weeks.”

 

She turned to find him standing close to her. His hands hung loosely at his sides, and hers itched to touch him. Silently, they reached for each other, and her cheek settled onto his chest as his arms wound around her back. She tugged him closer at the waist, and they stood encircled together for several moments before he pulled free.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Katniss.”

 

She nodded, too overcome with emotion to react, and watched him cross to the door and slip through it. He glanced at her as he closed the door, and she fought hard to remain rooted instead of chasing after him and begging him to pick her over Madge.

 

When she was sure he’d left, she crossed to the door and clicked the lock into place. Dazed, she walked to her bedroom and sank onto the bed. Blood sang in her veins, and she allowed herself to fantasize about what could have happened if he didn’t have someone to go home to; if he’d only waited until he met her to fall in love.

 

Frustrated, she yanked open the nightstand drawer and kicked her jeans onto the floor. Deliberately, she pulled her vibrator out, and then reached further back to where she kept a few other toys. She needed this tonight—if only to get his face from her mind. She fell asleep to dreams of tangled limbs and hot mouths with roaming hands and probing fingers.

 

The pattern continued over the next few weeks. Katniss spent her time at work focused and professionally distant, but on Tuesday and Thursday nights, Peeta came to her house to work on the files Haymitch gave them every week. The weirdness between them eased somewhat, and it seemed they fell back into their familiar patterns almost too easily.

 

“I’m so hungry, Kat,” Peeta whined. “Can I grab something to eat?”

 

“Sure. Whatever you want,” she grumbled as she wrote notes in Clove’s file.

 

“Want something?”

 

“Uh, yeah. Fruit,” she answered, distracted by the images of abuse before her on the table.

 

A banana plunked down in front of her, and she worked hard to keep a grin from spreading across her face. Deliberately, she put down her pen, picked up the banana, and peeled it slowly. Without a word, she lifted it to her mouth and sucked the tip between her lips. Ignoring his discomfort and sudden silence, she licked the underside of the fruit with the tip of her tongue before biting off a huge chunk and moaning at the taste.

 

“Katniss,” Peeta hissed, and she turned to look at him. He was speechless, stunned silent, as he watched her. She licked her lips deliberately, and he swallowed hard before moving his hand over his lap. She glanced down and fought to control a triumphal smile at what swelled there. He hadn’t lost his attraction for her any more than she had for him. Somehow, that made her happy.

 

“Is Madge still into blowjobs?” she purred and took another bite of her snack.

 

He shook his head, his eyes glazed as he watched her. “No,” he choked out in a tortured squeak. “Third trimester. Onto something new.”

 

“Oh, yeah,” she answered and turned to face him squarely. She fiddled with her neckline and allowed it to dip lower to reveal what little cleavage she had. “What’s she into now?”

 

“Nothing,” he gulped, and she grinned when his eyes darted to her chest. “At least nothing daily. I’m in a drought.”

 

“Oh, that’s too bad, Peeta,” she offered sympathetically. “Are you taking care of things yourself?” He nodded, and she trailed her fingers down her torso. “I am too, you know. Every night. Sometimes when I get home from work. I did before you got here today. It feels so good.”

 

He whimpered, but he didn’t say anything. He couldn’t tear his eyes from her, and she felt an inordinate amount of power as she teased him. It was so easy. Why should she feel guilty when he was the one with the pregnant wife at home? She’d sacrificed enough, she reasoned. She’d played by the rules her entire life, and look where it had gotten her. Sexually frustrated and in love with a man who wanted her the same way she wanted him. Yet, she was supposed to resist. She was supposed to say no to everything she desired just because he was too impatient to wait for what was right instead of what was good enough.

 

“I think about you sometimes when I do it,” she admitted, her voice low and husky. “I think about your hands on me and the way you’d feel inside me.”

 

“Shit yes,” he hissed, and she stood up and moved to stand a few inches from him.

 

“I think about the way your mouth would cover me and how you’d whisper in my ear as you came inside me.”

 

He gaped for a few seconds and then squirmed as she hovered over him. “You know I love you, Kat.”

 

She stopped then, confused at his confession. Her heart soared and broke at the same time. Why did this have to be so hard? Why couldn’t he be available for something real and good instead of guilt and shame?

 

“You what?”

 

“I love you. I have for a long, long time. I’m… I don’t know how to stop, Katniss, but I love you, and I’m married to someone else. I’m going to be a father in a few weeks, and all I can think about is how to balance getting the nursery ready with how to keep from screaming your name when I jack off in the shower.” He bowed his head, and she rested her palms on his shoulders. “I want to be a good dad. My baby deserves that. But Katniss—”

 

“But what?” she pled. “Tell me.”

 

“I want you. So much.”

 

“Peeta, I…” She didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t volunteer anything else. It took everything inside her to step away from him and blurt, “You need to leave.”

 

He nodded and crossed to the door in only a few strides. She panicked when his hand grasped the doorknob, and she called his name. She threw herself at him, wrapping him in a tight hug, and he pulled her tightly against him. Their faces were centimeters apart, their lips almost touching. For several seconds they stood frozen, and then he dropped his arms and staggered back against the wall.

 

“You see, Katniss? I want to kiss you so much, but I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t do this.”

 

She reached for him and nuzzled into his neck, breathing in his scent. His cologne had always been her weakness. She wasn’t sure what it was, but she always smelled cinnamon and herbs when she was near him.

 

“You’re a good man, Peeta Mellark,” she whispered and kissed his neck. Then she released him and walked to her couch. By the time she was settled and reached for her remote, he was gone.

 

She called into work the next day. She needed time to process what had happened between them, and she’d brought several files home. She spent the weekend alternating between berating herself and trying to justify her feelings toward her best friend. She raged against her life situation and grappled with the implications of having an affair.

 

By Sunday evening, she was no closer to deciding than she had been on Thursday night. And then a knock sounded at her door. Tossing her braid over her shoulder, she crossed to the door and slid it open an inch.

 

“Peeta! What are you doing here?” she exclaimed and threw the door open to usher him inside. He’d barely passed through the threshold when he caught her and pressed his mouth to hers.

 

“Hmmpf,” she grunted as his lips devoured hers. They were velvety soft. And plump. And firm. And fucking delicious. His tongue swept into her mouth and tangled with hers. They both sighed and groaned and grunted as they kissed, desperate to both quell the tension between them and stoke it higher at the same time.

 

“Katniss,” he moaned as his lips broke from hers and trailed down her check to her neck. He sucked at her pulse point, and she pressed her thighs together. His hands pulled her tighter against him by her ass, and she could feel him, rigid and throbbing, against her hip.

 

“Close the door,” she gasped and stumbled backward to fall on the couch. He was on her in seconds, wrapping her legs around his waist and pressing into her center until she swore she’d come just from the pressure.

 

“Tell me what you want,” he begged. “Let me make you happy. You deserve to be happy.”

 

Unable to speak, she grabbed his hand and brought it to the waistline of her yoga pants. He fumbled for a few seconds, but then his hand dipped inside. She wasn’t wearing underwear, and he groaned when his long fingers slipped into the moisture between her legs. She jerked at the contact but had no power to resist.

 

“Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh god!”

 

“You like that?” he grunted as he circled her clit with his thumb. “Are you horny, Kat?”

 

“Uh huh,” she mewled and pulsed her hips to gain friction.

 

“Do you want my fingers inside you?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Are you sure?” he teased as he licked her earlobe.

 

“Yes, I’m sure,” she moaned. “Oh fuck, Peeta.”

 

Too turned on to speak, she closed her eyes as his fingers plundered her. He dipped his middle finger inside her, swirled it against her walls, and then pulled it out. He pressed her nub with his thumb until she bucked against him, and then he slid his finger back inside. She gyrated under him, impatient and desperate for a release, but he wouldn’t give it to her. Instead, he tortured her with his hand as his mouth attacked her neck greedily.

 

She widened her legs, and he added another finger inside, causing her to dig her fingers into his back. He grunted dirty words against her chest as he finger-fucked her. Frantic, she shoved her hands into the front of his jeans and brushed against his cock. He groaned at the contact. Emboldened, she worked her fingers until she could grasp him. The feel of his turgid dick against her skin felt too good, and she bit his shoulder as she bucked against him.

 

“Fuck, Katniss. Fuck…” Peeta grunted her name repeatedly and curled his fingers inside her. She screamed and gripped him tighter. “I’m gonna come. I’m gonna come, baby.”

 

“Peeta! Yes! Don’t stop!”

 

“Kat! Christ!” he yelped, and his body shook with the force of his orgasm. Warmth flooded her fingers, and she kept pumping him, lubing him with his own cum. He finally worked her left breast free and bit her nipple. The flash of pain triggered her own orgasm, and she thrashed under him as he drove her to the edge. She begged him to stop, but she didn’t want him to. She felt like an animal in heat, rubbing against his hand and arm until she was sure she’d come a second time.

 

She was almost there when he kissed her and stopped moving. Falling next to her, he grunted, “Cramp. Shit.”

 

The elastic of her waistband slapped against her stomach as he freed his hand and flexed it. She could see moisture on his fingers, and she whined softly when she realized it was hers. His cum was all over her hand, and she held it aloft, unsure what to do with it. He watched her with hooded eyes that darkened further when she licked her index finger.

 

“That is so fucking hot,” he whispered, wide-eyed as she wiped her hand clean on her shirt. “Dirty girl.”

 

“Let me lick your hand too,” she demanded, and he lifted his fingers to her mouth. She sucked on his middle finger, and the tangy taste of her mixed with the bite of his flavor mixed in her mouth.

 

“Fuck me,” he groaned and kissed her again. “Are you still turned on?”

 

She nodded, and he groaned a second time. He slid down to the floor and kneeled in front of her. Pulling her to the edge of the couch, he yanked her leggings down around her ankles and spread her open. Before she could comprehend what he was doing, he dropped his head and left her speechless.

 

His mouth was magic. That’s all she could fathom as he feasted on her. She begged him to stop at the same time she tugged him closer, but he was undeterred. His tongue and lips and teeth and…oh god, everything…

 

Katniss threw her head back and concentrated on what he was doing to her. The sounds, the smell, the feel…all of it together created an entirely erotic experience that made her want to forsake everything if it could be her life. She ground against him until she knew she couldn’t take any more. Bowing tightly, she crested. And then again. And then once more. Exhausted and limp, she panted as he licked her clean. When he was done, he kissed her deeply, and she relished the moisture he transferred to her.

 

“We shouldn’t have done that,” she said weakly.

 

Peeta kissed her inner thighs with soft brushes of his lips, and then answered, “Probably not, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to happen again.”

 

“Really?” Incredulous, she stared at him, her cheeks flaming and her heart pounding with hope and dread.

 

“Unless you say no.”

 

“I’m not going to say no.”

 

He smiled at her, and she couldn’t help but grin back. She loved his man, and he loved her. She hadn’t come without the help of her vibrator in over a year until Peeta had put his hands and mouth on her. She wanted this release. She craved it and needed it.

 

“I’ve got to clean up,” he announced and pulled away from her reluctantly. She motioned to the bathroom and hurried to pull her pants on properly before he returned. When he did, he sat next to her on the couch and reached for her hand. Threading his fingers through hers, he held onto her for several minutes before she ventured her thoughts.

 

“You don’t have to feel guilty.”

 

He chuckled, but she could tell it wasn’t funny to him. “You’re right,” he mumbled. “I just ate out a woman who isn’t my wife, but at least I didn’t stick my dick inside her, right?”

 

“Technically, yes,” she reasoned. “I mean, what we did isn’t the best option, but we didn’t actually have sex. I mean, not the kind that results in any kind of…uh…problem.”

 

“Getting two women pregnant at the same time would be kind of horrible. But we didn’t do that.”

 

“Right.”

 

“So, we could, I don’t know…”

 

“Keep it to oral,” she suggested. “I know you like that.”

 

“I do miss the second trimester blowjobs,” he joked. “She never liked them before, and I expect they’ll never happen again.”

 

“They could be our thing now,” she offered and swallowed down the bubble of guilt roiling in her gut. “I’ve been told I’m pretty good at them.”

 

“The baby—he’s due in eight weeks.”

 

“It’s a he? You’re having a son?” Despite the situation, she couldn’t help being excited for him. She knew Peeta had always wanted a son.

 

He nodded and glanced at her before dropping his head in his hands.

 

“Fuck, what am I doing? I’m going to be a father, and all I want is your legs wrapped around my neck as I fuck you with my tongue.” His mask of anguish made her want to cry, but his words made her want him in her bed.

 

“You have eight weeks,” she said quietly. “Eight weeks. Maybe you just need to get me out of your system.”

 

He snorted and pulled her against him. “I won’t ever get over you,” he murmured as he kissed her temple, “but there’s no way I can walk away from you.”

 

“So, Tuesday night?”

 

“Tuesday night,” he agreed. “I’ll see you then. I need to get home before Madge…”

 

She leaned over to kiss him and stared into his eyes. “Good night, Peeta. Thanks for coming.”

 

“Thanks for making me come,” he teased and kissed the tip of her nose. “See you in the office tomorrow. I’ll bring coffee.”

 

“You know how I like it.”

 

“I do now,” he threw over his shoulder as he left. When the door closed behind him, she sighed contentedly and wriggled down into the couch. Closing her eyes, she allowed herself to relive Peeta’s visit, every caress, kiss, and lick. The sounds he made against her skin when he came, the feel of his tongue inside her, the taste of her on his lips… Deciding against taking a shower so she could smell him on her as she slept, she went to bed and pushed aside the guilt she felt when she imagined him lying next to his very pregnant wife.

 

Peeta’s appearance at her desk with coffee the next morning resulted in raised eyebrows from both Annie and Johanna, but Katniss didn’t acknowledge their questioning looks. Peeta’s visit the previous night broke through all the tension that had emerged between them since she’d realized he was interested in her. Peeta sent her several suggestive messages throughout the day, and they returned to Sae’s Deli for lunch before passing the afternoon with stolen glances and dirty texts.

 

The next day, Johanna followed her to the bathroom and cornered her before she could leave.

 

“So, you’re going to go for it, huh?”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Katniss insisted. “Excuse me, I need to go to the restroom.”

 

“Oh, come on, Brainless. Anybody with two eyes can see the tension between you two. You’ve been avoiding each other for weeks, and now you’re thick as thieves again?” Johanna tugged at her short, spiky hair. “You’re going to do him, aren’t you?”

 

“Johanna, the only thing I’m going to do right now is piss.”

 

“I don’t believe you.”

 

“Sucks for you then. Get the hell away from me.” With that, Katniss pushed past her co-worker and locked herself in the stall.

 

_Only a few more hours, and then Peeta will be at my place._

 

After what had happened Sunday night, she couldn’t wait to see what else his mouth could do.


	3. Chapter 3

** **

 

**Kat: You’re coming over tonight, right?**

**P: 7?**

**Kat: ASAP**

 

The hours both flew by and dragged until that evening when Peeta knocked at exactly 7:00. Katniss opened the door and smiled softly when his mouth dropped open.  His blue eyes widened and darkened simultaneously as they swept down her scantily clad body and back up to her face.

 

“Oh. My. Fuck.”

 

“You like it, then?” Katniss asked and cringed at the hint of insecurity in her voice.

 

“Like it? I— _like_ it? Fucking A, Kat. This is— You are— Fuck!”

 

“Then you’ll probably like this too,” she said and ushered him inside. She pushed him back against the door and dropped to her knees. Before he could protest, she unzipped his pants, pulled him free, and pumped him a few times. His erection grew until she was satisfied, and then she took him in her mouth.

 

“Jesus, Kat. Jesus Christ,” he moaned as she sucked him.

 

She took her time. By now she was sure of herself. She knew his cock—what made him gasp, what made him beg, what made his knees shake. She pushed her guilt out of her mind and concentrated on him. She loved him, and she was taking her chance for happiness—even if it was only temporary. Madge’s due date had already passed, and they were living on borrowed time.

 

When he came, she swallowed and kissed him as he shook. As soon as he gathered his strength, he carried her to her bedroom. Standing next to her bed, he kissed her and caressed her bare skin as she pressed against him. The soft orange bra and G-string coupled with the thigh high fishnets and black stilettos gave her confidence she hadn’t felt since her last relationship had ended several years prior.

 

Peeta’s kisses heated her skin, and she wanted his against hers. She tugged his Henley over his head and threaded her fingers through his blonde curls. Her breasts brushed against his torso, and she allowed herself to trail one hand down over his shoulder, chest, and abdominal muscles. She traced the line of dark blonde hair that disappeared into the waistband of his jeans with the tip of her index finger. Why had he even bothered to fasten them after her greeting?

 

“Lay down, sweetheart. I want to— Jesus. I have to touch you.”

 

Katniss stretched, arching her back and thrusting her chest upward. Peeta licked his lips and unbuttoned his jeans before pushing them down past his hips. She looked at him with hunger. The first time she saw him naked, she thought she’d lost her mind because he was so sculpted, but she hadn’t imagined anything. His cock curved upward from a thick thatch of hair nestled between his powerful thighs. She itched to get her hands and mouth on it again, but he seemed to have other ideas.

 

He settled onto the bed next to her and kissed her languidly. It wasn’t often they had unending amounts of time together, but tonight was special. Madge’s mother was staying with them, and he’d told his wife that he was going to spend some time with a friend from college who was in town. He wasn’t planning to return home until the next day.

 

As his mouth worked magic against her lips, his right hand stroked her rib cage. Her skin pebbled and she arched against him, but he held her down firmly with his body. At his mercy, she closed her eyes and sighed as he palmed her breast and flicked his thumb over her hardened nipple.

 

“You’re so beautiful, Kat. And this outfit. Fuuuuuck,” he drawled. “You’re so sexy, and you’re so dirty. I love what we do together.”

 

His mouth covered her nipple, and he sucked on it through the lace. When she grunted, he reached down to push her underwear to the side. He traced her slit slowly, and she clutched at the sheets to ground herself.

 

“You like that, sweetheart?” When she nodded, he rewarded her with small bites along her collarbone. “I like everything you do. I love this lingerie. And your hair is gorgeous when it’s down.”

 

“Peeta,” she panted.

 

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Just relax.”

 

She tried, but the things he was doing to her weren’t meant to slow her heart rate. He massaged every inch of her skin until she wanted to scream her frustration. He drove her to the brink several times but pulled back every time she reached the edge. He was doing it on purpose, she knew, but that didn’t make it any less frustrating.

 

“Stop stalling,” she begged, and he chuckled.

 

“So impatient,” he teased. “I thought you’d enjoy the change of pace.”

 

“Long enough. Now.”

 

“Oh, I don’t know,” he murmured against her neck. “I kind of thought we might try something new today. I know you’re game to try anything once.”

 

“Oh god. What? Tell me,” she gasped. “I’m ready.”

 

“Hold on a second.” It took him a few seconds to adjust, but he leaned back on the bed next to her and sprawled out. When she turned on her side to face him, he nudged her to straddle him.

 

“How is this getting me off?” she snapped, her patience at an end.

 

He smirked at her and carded his fingers through her hair. “Get up here, and you’ll find out.”

 

“What? Up where?”

 

“Right here,” he answered as he pointed to his mouth.

 

“Holy shit,” she moaned as she settled onto his face. His lips nipped at her eagerly, and his tongue wiggled inside her. She chanted his name as she rode him. Her head whirled, and she lost track of everything but the feel of him beneath her.

 

By the time she climaxed, he wasn’t far behind. He pumped himself and she caught him with her stomach. Sated and filthy, they stumbled to the shower and rinsed off together before falling into bed together.

 

As she switched off the light, he cuddled her into his side and kissed her softly. “I love you, Katniss. If this is our last time together, you should know that.”

 

“I know,” she whispered, too overcome with dread to say anything else.

 

They came together more times throughout the night, but morning broke much too soon. Before she could contemplate breakfast, Peeta slipped from the bed, kissed her, and returned home to his wife. She spent the rest of the day spring cleaning her apartment. Somehow that made the shame more manageable.

 

By Monday morning, Katniss wanted nothing more than to stay home and avoid anyone who might guess what was happening between Peeta and her. Unfortunately, she had several meetings that morning which couldn’t be postponed, and she’d already called in twice since this had started. She’d have to fake it, and she was growing weary of worrying about what others thought about her personal life.

 

“Good morning, Katniss,” Annie chirped happily when she arrived at the office. “You’re practically glowing today.”

 

“Must have had some good D over the weekend,” Johanna added, and Katniss sank into her chair as her cheeks flamed. “Oh? Really? Got Blondie out of your system, huh?”

 

“Shut up, Johanna,” Katniss said. “Please shut up.”

 

“Better than spanking it with a married man. Hope whoever it is gives it to you good.”

 

“Johanna, please,” Annie chided. “You’re being incredibly strong, Katniss. I’m proud of you.”

 

Miserable, Katniss stared at her files and fought to keep her eyes free from tears. She already felt awful enough. When Peeta and she were together, it was too good to care about what she was doing, but this was more than she could bear. She couldn’t take her co-workers telling her how well she was doing when she’d squirted on Peeta’s face less than 48 hours ago.

 

“Thanks,” she mumbled and headed to the meeting room. Anything to get away from Johanna’s condescension and Annie’s misplaced faith and support.

 

By lunch, she was exhausted, flustered, and nearing a breaking point. She wanted nothing more than to find someplace private for her lunchbreak with Peeta. They had to talk about what they were doing.

 

“Do you want to join us for lunch?” Annie asked as she folded her sweater over her arm.

 

“No thanks. Peeta and I have plans.”

 

Johanna snorted. “I guess you didn’t hear. Blondie’s got something more important. He streaked out of here about an hour ago. Madge is in labor.”

 

The news hit her harder than she imagined it would. Her knees wobbled, and she sank back into her chair. With trembling hands, she fished her phone out of her purse and checked her messages.

 

Nothing.

 

“I, uh, I need to call him,” she mumbled miserably.

 

Annie and Johanna exchanged looks, but Katniss hit the call button anyway. Before it could connect, Johanna swiped it from her and ended the call.

 

“Katniss, I’m going to give you some tough love,” she practically growled. “Peeta is married. He’s going to be a father in a few hours. To a baby he made with his wife. He is not yours to call. Let. This. Go.”

 

“I have to call him,” Katniss insisted. “I have to.”

 

“Come to lunch with us,” Annie implored. “We can talk about it.”

 

_I have to get out of here. I’m going to lose it._

 

Pasting a wide smile on her face, Katniss gathered her purse and phone. “No need. All is well. See you tomorrow. I’ve got some errands to run this afternoon.”

 

“Katniss, wait!” Annie called, but she’d already fled. Racing down the stairs, she burst from the building and hailed a cab.

 

**P: 911 C-section. Madge and baby both in trouble. Call later.**

Katniss stared at her phone in horror and felt bile rise in the back of her throat. She’d imagined this day so many times, but she’d never thought something might actually happen to his wife. She’d fantasized about Peeta’s freedom, his availability to choose her, but she hadn’t wanted _this_.

 

She made it into her apartment before she broke down but just barely. She sobbed for her broken heart, for Peeta’s family, for her guilt, for everything she’d done that might have contributed to what was happening in a birthing unit on the other side of the city.

 

“Please don’t let them die,” she prayed. “We’ll stop. I’ll stop. It never should have happened in the first place.”

 

The sky darkened outside before her phone pinged. She grabbed it hastily and huffed when she saw the text.

 

**P: Elam Dax Mellark, 7.9 pounds, Madge is weak but ok.**

“Praise Jesus,” she breathed. She was typing a response when another message came through.

 

**P: Can’t do this anymore. Gotta be there for E and M.**

The message didn’t surprise her, but the hurt that came with it did. They’d always said what they were doing would end when the baby was born. She’d planned for that, which was why she’d dreaded the birth and felt so guilty. If what they’d been doing was okay, they wouldn’t have had to schedule a conclusion.

 

That knowledge didn’t make it any easier to take that their affair was over. She loved him more than she knew how to process, and she knew he loved her too. They hadn’t talked much about his relationship with Madge, but Katniss knew their marriage wasn’t perfect. In fact, it usually wasn’t good at all. They fought all the time, and nothing he did seemed to please her. Madge hadn’t ever quite forgiven him for saying the wrong name—not that Katniss blamed her. As a result, all the sneaking around Peeta was doing put an extra strain on his marriage.

 

Katniss’ problem wasn’t only that she loved a married man. She was angry and tired and riddled with guilt. She’d waited patiently for a long time. She’d watched other people find someone to love and begin lives based on marriage and family. She’d been happy for them, celebrated them even, but she was lonely. And she was sad. She wanted what her friends had. She wanted what Peeta seemed so willing to throw away, and it wasn’t fair that the man who was perfect for her as possible was married to someone else.

 

**Annie: Just checking on you. Hope you’re okay.**

**Katniss: All is well. So happy for Peeta. See you tomorrow!**

Katniss swallowed hard and stared at her screen. It was nice of Annie to check on her, but she wasn’t who Katniss needed to talk to. She needed Peeta, but she couldn’t have him. Instead, she called her sister.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Prim,” Katniss choked into the phone. “How are you?”

 

“I’m fine. How are you? You sound terrible.”

 

“Primmy, I—”

 

Dissolving into tears, she cried into the phone as her sister tried to comfort her. Katniss didn’t lose control often, but it was epic when she did. After several minutes, she managed to stammer through the story. She recounted the whole sordid tale; Peeta admitting he cared about her, trying to stay away from each other, their first kiss, seeing each other naked, limiting contact to oral sex, agreeing to end what they had when the baby came, and Elam’s birth.

 

“I didn’t want Madge to get hurt,” she insisted to her sister. “I fantasized about Peeta being free to be with me, but I didn’t ever want her to die. And then…”

 

“This is not your fault. You have to know that.”

 

“It’s not that easy, Prim.” Katniss pressed her hand to her chest and willed her heart to stop banging in her chest.

 

“It _is_ that easy. You are not to blame for Madge’s condition. You’re responsible for your actions only, and those are not what I expected from you.” Prim’s disappointment shot through the phone line, and Katniss squeezed her eyes closed to try to block it out. “This isn’t like you, Katniss. You’ve always been so…so…”

 

“Single? Happy for everybody else? Pathetically alone?”

 

“Ethical,” Prim snapped. “Stop trying to deflect. You know this isn’t right. You’ve told me about Peeta a million times, and not once did you indicate you were having an affair with him. The man’s got a newborn, Katniss. What the hell are you thinking?”

 

“I love him. That’s what I was thinking,” she growled. “I was thinking that I’m in love with someone else’s husband, and he should be mine. I was thinking that I hadn’t had someone in so long I couldn’t remember what it felt like to touch someone else until we hooked up. I was thinking, if you must know, that he’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I didn’t expect this to last. I knew it wouldn’t, but I wanted something, even if it was just a crumb of what everyone else has.”

 

Silence blared through the phone line, and Katniss sniffled while she waited for her sister’s response. Prim and she rarely fought, so she knew her admission had shaken her sister. Prim wasn’t used to Katniss messing up—largely because Katniss had protected her younger sister their entire lives.

 

Prim sighed into the phone before speaking, and Katniss held a nervous breath. “I can’t pretend to know how lonely you’ve been. I know I’m lucky. But you deserve so much more than sharing someone who can’t really be yours.”

 

“But I don’t have that. Don’t you get it? It should be him, and it can’t be.”

 

Sadness emanated from her as she realized the futility of her situation. Wanting him didn’t make it okay to screw a pregnant woman’s husband.

 

“Can I ask you a serious question? Because I’m really curious.”

 

“Go ahead,” Katniss agreed. She was too tired and heartsick to fight anymore.

 

“You love this guy, right?”

 

“Yes. Without question.”

 

“And you know the only way you can really be together is if his marriage ends?”

 

“Yes,” she sniffled.

 

“How would you feel if he left his wife? And his baby?”

 

She couldn’t speak for several moments. She’d want to cry, scream, and cheer simultaneously if she was honest.

 

“Awful… Horribly guilty. And elated he chose me.”

 

“Would you ever be able to trust him? Really trust him to stay with you and not worry he was chasing someone else?”

 

“He’s never looked at anyone until me.”

 

“Are you sure?” Prim asked softly. “Even if that’s true, why would he stop now?”

 

“He loves me, Prim. He loves me.”

 

“I’m sure he loved his wife too.”

 

Her shoulders shook as she wept. Prim’s word hurt, but they were what she needed to hear. She didn’t want to be the reason he left Madge. It had to be his idea, and Elam would make that decision for him right now. Maybe in a few years. Maybe never. Either way, Peeta had ended their affair as she’d always expected once his son was born. She had no choice but to pick up the pieces and try to move on. Being the other woman was a real bitch.

 

After a few more minutes of tearful conversation with her sister, she hung up and slipped into bed. Her dreams provided no comfort. Neither did the next several weeks with Peeta’s absence from the office and his careful interaction with her when he returned. He’d been successfully avoiding her for almost a month before they bumped into each other in the hallway near the bathroom.

 

“Peeta! I’m sorry. I didn’t see you,” Katniss said. “How are you?”

 

He ran a hand through his curls and turned tortured eyes to her. He looked exhausted, which he probably was.

 

“Fine. I’m fine,” he rasped. “Are you okay?”

 

She studied him and realized he needed her reassurance that he’d done the right thing. Nodding vigorously, she said firmly, “I’m great. So happy for you. Things at home must be really interesting right now.”

 

“That’s one word for it.”

 

“Take care of yourself,” she murmured and squeezed his hand as she passed. “Congratulations again.”

 

Holding her head high, she swept past him and back to her desk. She was deep in a case file when her phone pinged.

 

**P: You look amazing today.**

**Kat: Thanks! I feel amazing.**

**P: I bet I know how to make you feel even better.**

 

Katniss pursed her lips to stop a sudden grin. She’d missed him since their last time together, and his silence only served to erode her surety that cared about her. This proved he still did. And it was harmless. It was only texts.

 

They flirted shamelessly for two more days before she realized she was in trouble. She was on her way home from work when she checked her phone to pass the time on the subway.

 

**P: I miss the way you taste. Are you still sweet?**

**Kat: Still sweet. With a little bit of naughty.**

**P: How naughty?**

**Kat: Wouldn’t you like to know?**

**P: Yes.**

**Kat: Only one way to find out.**

 

**P: How’s that?**

**Kat: You know.**

**P: You inviting?**

**Kat: You accepting?**

**P: On way.**

 

When she reached her stop, she sprinted from the train and to her apartment. Bursting into her home, she gave her living room a cursory glance before striding to her bedroom and surveying the mess. Moving as quickly as possible, she tossed dirty clothes in her hamper and straightened the sheets and blankets on her bed. In the bathroom, she rinsed out the sink, brushed her teeth, and reapplied deodorant. She didn’t have time to shave, but it hadn’t been too long since she’d groomed herself.

 

Flushed, impatient, and insanely horny, she paced for a few minutes until she heard a rap on her door.

 

“Hi,” she greeted him, breathless and eager.

 

“Hi, yourself,” he grinned and leaned into her. “You still smell sweet.”

 

Lifting her lips to his ear, she tugged on his earlobe. “I only seem sweet. I’m really very, very dirty.”

 

He groaned at her innuendo and sought her mouth. “I can’t stay away from you. I can’t. I’m so tired, Katniss.”

 

“Then don’t,” she urged. “Don’t stay away anymore. We’ve tried. You have. I have. I’m tired of playing games. I want you.”

 

“God, Kat,” he panted. “I’ve missed you so much.”

 

She captured his mouth with hers and bit his bottom lip until he yelped. The sound stirred something in her, and she shoved him against the door.

 

“Get your hands on me right now,” she commanded and tore his shirt over his head. “Quit being a gentleman and fuck me like you want to.”

 

“I want my dick so far inside you.”

 

“Then do it,” she ordered.

 

“We said oral. Only oral.”

 

“Fuck oral, Peeta. We both want it.”

 

Peeta studied her face briefly before his shoulders sagged. For one horrible second, she thought he’d stop, but he cursed and crushed her to him.

 

“You deserve better than this.”

 

“I don’t have it. I want you. I choose you.”

 

She tore at his shirt as they stumbled to her bedroom. They fell on the bed together as they shared torrid kisses and groped for bare skin. When they were finally naked, Peeta settled in between her legs and wrapped them around his waist. He touched his forehead to hers and demanded, “Look at me.”

 

Katniss’ eyelids fluttered as he pushed into her. All the times they’d been together faded as he filled her. She laughed as she realized how naïve she’d been to believe oral sex was any better than intercourse. The affair wasn’t any worse now than it had been since the first time he’d called her name instead of his wife’s. He’d been cheating with her before she realized it.

 

“Jesus,” Peeta hissed. “Sweet Jesus, Katniss.”

 

She bucked against him, and he groaned in surrender. His hips snapped against hers, and she grunted as something sparked inside her. His second thrust was harder, and she tugged his hair as he found his rhythm.

 

Peeta pinched her nipples as he pounded into her, but both of them were too impatient to wait much longer. She let go of his hair and grabbed her headboard. He shoved her legs over his shoulders and banged into her so hard, she hit her head.

 

“Don’t stop,” she wailed. “I’m okay. Don’t stop.”

 

Peeta cursed and grunted, his voice rising as he slammed into her. He yelled as he came, and she ground against him seeking her own release. When she couldn’t find it, she reached between them and got herself off as he trembled above her. He was softening inside her when she climaxed, and she clutched him to her with her free hand.

 

Sated, they lay together for several minutes before either could speak. Finally, she inhaled a shaky breath and kissed his neck.

 

“Holy fuck,” she gasped. When Peeta didn’t respond, she poked his shoulder and asked, “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” he mumbled.

 

“Fine?”

 

“Yeah,” he confirmed and rolled off her.

 

“ _Fine?!_ Are you fucking kidding me?” she screeched. “We just fucked, and you’re _fine_?”

 

“Don’t do this,” he pled quietly. “Please don’t do this.”

 

Katniss shoved up on her elbows to glare at him. She hadn’t expected praise, but something about his response grated on her nerves. Consummating their relationship, no matter how screwed up it was, deserved more than a “fine” from him.

 

“What is _wrong_ with you?” she snapped.

 

“Nothing! Nothing’s wrong with me, dammit! Shut up.”

 

Shocked, she sucked in a breath so she wouldn’t smack him. His ears tinged pink, and he cursed and slid down the bed. Spreading her legs, he buried his face in her crotch. She tried to protest, but it felt so good, she didn’t bother.

 

As frantic as the sex had been, he took his time pleasuring her. He was loving and thorough. Her anger dissipated as his tongue flicked over her clit and drove her crazy. Time lost meaning. She couldn’t remember her name. She didn’t care if he had seventeen children by five wives. The only thing she cared about was his mouth on her pussy.

 

She lost track of the number of times she came. She was limp and exhausted before he stopped. When he kissed her, she couldn’t do more than purse her lips and groan as he cradled her against his chest.

 

“I need to go home,” he murmured into her hair. “I love you, sweetheart. I’ll see you at work.”

 

Too tired to respond, she nodded and closed her eyes. She woke in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and hugged her extra pillow to fall back asleep. The bed felt empty without him.

 

They settled into a pattern over the next several months. He followed her home from work at least once a week, and they stole moments together whenever they could. A quick kiss in the stairwell at work. Holding hands under the table at out of the way restaurants at lunch. A clandestine weekend he passed off to Madge as a work trip.

 

Countless sex positions, declarations of love, and two pregnancy scares later, Katniss realized their affair was the longest relationship she’d had since college. Elam was almost two, and she and Peeta continued to sneak around behind his wife’s back, dividing time between his family and her. They hadn’t talked about the long-term when they decided to continue the affair, and there didn’t seem to be an end in sight. Peeta hadn’t ever mentioned leaving Madge, and he was as in love with Elam as she’d ever seen any father in love with his son. She knew she didn’t have any right to demand something different, but she’d been restless for weeks, unable to put her finger on exactly what was bothering her.

 

‘Hey, brainless,” Johanna called as she passed through the office to her desk.

 

Katniss sighed and glanced up, but she refused to allow her co-worker to ruffle her feathers. Instead, she pointedly took a sip of her coffee and stared across the room. Johanna grinned and plunked down at her desk.

 

“So unfriendly. I just wanted to remind you about Annie’s baby shower. It’s this weekend. Don’t break her heart and not be there.”

 

Katniss snapped, “I wouldn’t break Annie’s heart. She’s about the nicest person in the world. Unlike you.”

 

“Touchy, touchy, touchy,” Johanna taunted. “Annie and I are on the same page. Just because you’re more willing to hear it from soft-spoken Mrs. Odair instead of sexually liberated and snarky _moi_ doesn’t mean she thinks the shameless way you parade yourself around with a married man is any better.”

 

“I’m not parading around.”

 

“No, you’re just fucking him behind his wife’s back. So much better.”

 

“Uh…am I interrupting something important here?” Katniss jumped at the sound of Peeta’s voice. When she swiveled her head to face him, he moved closer to her and put his hand on her shoulder. “Everything okay, Kat?”

 

“Fine,” she mumbled. “All fine.”

 

“Yes,” Johanna agreed, “all’s well here. How’s everything, Mr. Mellark? Spending a lot of time with your wife and son?”

 

“Sure,” Peeta replied with a hint of confusion. “My friends call me Peeta, by the way.”

 

“And what does your mistress call you?”

 

Peeta blanched at her pointed question, and Katniss’ face burned in humiliation. No one had ever called them out for what they were doing. She hadn’t even realized anyone knew for sure, but Johanna clearly suspected.

 

“I-I’m sorry?” Peeta blurted. “I’m not sure…”

 

“Just wondering what Katniss screams when you’re together. Nothing important.”

 

Peeta stood rigid, his face reddening rapidly and his hands twitching with anger. Katniss reached for him, desperate to ease his anguish, but she stopped herself just in time. There was no reason to give Johanna more ammunition.

 

“Everything okay in here?” Haymitch barked as he poked his head from his office. “Seems a little tense.”

 

All three of them snapped to attention and garbled a combined answer in the affirmative. Katniss excused herself to the bathroom to calm down. By the time she returned, the rest of the office was back from lunch, and Johanna seemed on her best behavior.

 

Mortified, she rushed home from the office that evening and cried. The next time Peeta came over, they had to talk. Something needed to change. She was still wiping tears from her cheeks when her phone buzzed.

 

**P: Madge has plans tonight. Like company?**

**Kat: Yes**

**P: 20 minutes**

She was raring to go when he arrived. Desperate to relieve the burden of guilt she’d buried for the past several months, she threw herself at him as he entered her apartment. Impulsively, she tugged him to the bedroom and whispered in his ear, “I want you from behind.”

 

Peeta’s eyes widened at her invitation. He’d complained once that Madge hated any position when she couldn’t see his face, but Katniss adored them. She loved the feel of him slapping against her as he kissed down her spine. The way he tugged her hair and panted her name as his chest warmed her back. It made her feel vulnerable and strong at the same time, and she needed that after what Johanna’s accusations.

 

“Leave your shirt on,” she commanded as she stripped. “That way I can pretend you came home and caught me doing something I shouldn’t.”

 

“Naughty girl. Shit,” he hissed and dropped his pants. She turned and bent over the bed, her forehead between her hands, and moaned when he ran his tip along her slit. He teased her for a few minutes and then nudged her legs further apart. Holding her hips in place, he snapped into her, and she arched her back as he stretched her.

 

“Yeah,” she chanted as he drew out and re-entered. “Faster.”

 

“Kat, this is— I love this.”

 

“I know. I know you do.”

 

The bed squeaked in time with their rhythm, but something wasn’t right. She reared back against him, trying desperately to find friction that would relieve the searing heat inside her. When that didn’t work, she tucked one knee up on the bed. He had to change his angle, and it sent shock waves through her. She shifted and perched her other leg on the bed as well, her knees spread wide, leaving her merciless as he practically lifted her from the bed with his frantic strokes.

 

“I love you so much, Kat. Fuck, yes. I love your ass. Oh shit, shit, _shit_!” He bellowed and came, shoving her several inches forward. He sought her clit and rubbed her furiously as he continued to fuck her.

 

She wailed and came as she clutched the sheets in her clenched fists. They cursed and yelled together until they stilled and fell into a tangle of limbs. Sweaty and spent, he kissed her shoulder and buried his face in her hair.

 

She was exhausted, but her brain wouldn’t stop. Johanna’s words reverberated in time with her heartbeat, and she remembered all the times he’d arrived at her house with only enough time for sex before slinking back to his place. Their strong friendship had evaporated as their sex life improved, and she admitted with a tortured pang she needed more than what their current relationship offered.

 

“Peeta?” she murmured. She shifted and curled around him so she could kiss his chest.

 

“Mmm?”

 

She hesitated, terrified to ruin what was between them and risk losing him completely, but what they were doing wasn’t sustainable. She tucked herself as close to him as she could and sent up a silent prayer for strength.

 

“You know I love you,” she started and was relieved when he agreed. “Where do you see this going? Us, I mean. Please don’t get upset.”

 

He tensed against her, his hands frozen on the curve of her hip and on her neck. She waited, hoping against hope that she’d been sensitive enough to draw him out rather than cause him to withdraw.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“What do you think I mean?” she retorted, exasperated despite her intentions to remain calm. “I mean, us. We’ve been sneaking around for two years. We’ve done things to each other that would shock 98% of the world’s population. You love me, and I love you. What is the endgame on this?”

 

Flustered, Peeta sat up and combed his hands through his hair as he did every time he was upset. She fought the urge to comfort him. She wanted to, but she needed to know his intentions more than she cared to admit.

 

“Endgame? What endgame can there be? I’m married,” he spat, his bitterness apparent in his rigid shoulders.

 

“Yes, and you have a kid. I’m well aware of your marital status, Peeta.”

 

He glared at her and shifted the top sheet to cover his groin. “Then you know what the endgame is, don’t you?”

 

She shot up on the bed. Ignoring his lustful glance at her chest, she poked him in the shoulder hard enough that he flinched.

 

“People do get divorced, you know. People with children. People who got married too young or grew apart or developed some type of aversion to each other. A two-year affair with someone you claim to love seems like a reasonable option for considering ending an unhappy marriage.”

 

He gaped at her, clearly shocked by her vehemence. “Where is this coming from? You’ve never asked me this before.”

 

“Are you fucking kidding me? After what Johanna said this afternoon? You want to know where this is _coming_ from?”

 

“Kat—”

 

“I was trying to be patient. And understanding. And supportive. But dammit, Peeta! I’ve waited long enough.” Katniss panted, her breath catching in angry huffs. She hadn’t realized how much fury she’d buried, and it burned to be released.

 

“What do you want me to do?” he roared. “You want me to walk out of my family? On Elam? He’s only two!”

 

“And I’m 34! What’s your point?” she yelled back. “I’m tired of being your second choice. I would never ask you to put me before your son, but what you’re asking of me isn’t fair! I’m putting my life on hold playing your mistress, while you get to have your cake and eat it too. What if I want kids someday? I can’t have them with you if you’re still married, and I can’t be with anyone else either.”

 

“You think I have it easy? You think sneaking around with you makes me feel good? You’ve got to be shitting me.”

 

Blood froze in her veins as she stared at him. The chagrin on his face almost melted her, but his words cut deep. As calmly as she could, she steeled her gaze and spoke.

 

“I think it’s time we ended this, Peeta.”

 

“Kat, please don’t,” he begged, suddenly contrite with a hint of desperation in his eyes. “I love you. You know I do. I just need to figure some things out.”

 

“If what we’re doing isn’t making you feel good, then there’s no reason for this to continue. Being the other woman doesn’t make me feel so great either, so it’s a win/win.”

 

“Losing you isn’t a win.” He slid onto his knees and put his face in her lap. “Please don’t do this, sweetheart. I need you.”

 

Tears pricked her eyes as she gazed down at him. She loved the golden curls she’d tousled and gripped and pulled over the time they’d been together. He lifted his tear-steaked face to hers, and she steeled her heart. She’d cried over him enough. He wasn’t hers. He never had been, and it was time she accepted that.

 

“If you need me, you’ll figure out how to make that happen. Until then, you need to leave. Go home to your wife and son. I’m done being your side piece.”

 

“Baby, please.”

 

“Don’t call me that,” she snapped and jerked away from him. Everything inside her screamed to take him back, but she couldn’t do it anymore. She loved him too much to share. It was up to him to make the decision.

 

“Kat—”

 

“Leave, Peeta. We’re through. Put your clothes back on, and go grovel to Madge. See if she can smell the sex on you this time.”

 

She rushed to the bathroom and slammed the door so she didn’t have to watch him as he collected his things and left. When he knocked, she turned on the shower and sang at the top of her lungs to drown him out. After several minutes, he gave up.

 

Heartbroken and sick to her stomach, she walked through the following days like a zombie. She expected him to try to talk to her, but he didn’t. As the days passed without even so much as a text, she cursed herself for driving him away when what she wanted most was him. She woke screaming from nightmares of him slipping through her grasping fingers. She lost weight. She cried herself to sleep for two weeks straight.

 

She was sitting on her couch staring out the window listlessly when three sharp raps echoed from the door. She considered not answering for a few seconds, but she heaved herself to her feet and stumbled to the entry.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

Peeta’s face was streaked with tears, but he’d lost the haunted look he’d carried since the night he’d yelled her name with Madge.

 

“I did it,” he whispered. “Finally.”

 

“Did what? What did you do?”

 

Her ears roared, and she swayed slightly. He grabbed her elbow to steady her, but she pulled away. She wasn’t supposed to let him touch her anymore. She’d ended it. He wasn’t supposed to be at her door.

 

“I left Madge.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting next Monday (April 2), everlarkficexchange on tumblr will begin posting this year’s exchange pieces. As a result, the next part of this story will post after that collection's completion. Come find me on tumblr at hutchhitched.


	4. Chapter 4

 

Peeta’s words exploded around her, and Katniss’ stomach dropped.

 

“Y-you did _what_?!?!” she screeched.

 

He pushed into her apartment and closed the door behind him before reaching for her again. “I left my wife,” he said firmly. “For you. For us.”

 

Katniss tried to swallow, but her throat was so dry it stuck together. “I can’t breathe.”

 

“What?”

 

“I can’t breathe!” she gasped and folded over onto herself.

 

Peeta scooped her into his arms and set her gently on the couch, where he rubbed her back as she fought through her panic. She gulped in huge lungfuls of air, but her head swam and black dots hampered her vision. After several minutes, her heart rate decreased and she was able to breathe normally again. She realized Peeta was clutching her hand and rubbing her back to calm her.

 

“I can’t believe it.”

 

“Neither can I,” Peeta admitted and choked on a sob.

 

She reached for him and wrapped him tightly in her arms. He clung to her and wept into her shoulder as she combed her fingers through his curls. After several minutes, she lifted his head and wiped her thumbs across his cheeks. His lips trembled, but she leaned forward and pressed hers against his. His response was tentative at first, but it didn’t take long before he opened his mouth and touched his tongue to hers.

 

“Katniss,” he hissed and shifted his hips.

 

The sound of her name rushed over her, and she moaned in the back of her throat. Peeta grunted in return and lifted his hand to cup her breast. The kiss deepened, and it wasn’t long before he crushed her against him.

 

“You’re really free?” she panted against his cheek. He nodded in response and pressed her backward. Frantic, she clawed at his back until he clambered onto her and settled between her legs.

 

“Can I stay here tonight?” he begged and ground his pelvis against hers. Katniss wailed in return, and they rolled onto the floor in a pile of tangled limbs and grasping hands.

 

“Take your clothes off,” Katniss demanded and tugged at his shirt.

 

Peeta ripped at her clothing, and it fell, partially tattered, onto the carpet. Before she could think, he twirled her around and buried his face between her legs. She yelped as his teeth nipped at her folds, but soon she was too distracted by his groin hovering over her face to think of anything but taking him into her mouth and sucking on his length.

 

“Fuck,” Peeta groaned as he alternated between worrying her clit and licking her lips with his tongue.

 

“Oh, shit,” she whimpered and jerked when he pressed against her. “Peeta, I want it.”

 

“Yeah? You want it hard?” he panted.

 

She nodded and spread her legs wider. It wasn’t long before oral wasn’t enough, and he flipped around to lay on top of her. Frustrated, she wiggled under him as he poked at her. It took several moments before she guided him to the right spot, but it didn’t feel nearly as good as she expected and hoped. Peeta thrust several times, but he seemed distracted. He closed his eyes as he pumped his hips, and she clutched at his back so she could get him to look at her.

 

“Peeta?”

 

“Yeah,” he grunted.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine,” he snapped. “You should be on top.”

 

“Okay?”

 

Peeta pulled out and rolled onto his back. He reached for her, and she settled onto him. She arched her neck so she could view the ceiling and tried not to think about the distance she felt between them. It was sudden and terrible, and it scared her.

 

“I can’t believe you’re finally free,” she murmured as she rode him. She hoped he’d open up to her as a result, but he didn’t respond other than to grip her thighs tighter. She chased her climax, but it remained infuriatingly elusive. She’d always dreamed this would be a celebration, but it wasn’t victory she felt as she rose and then lowered herself onto him.

 

Peeta’s eyes were screwed shut, and his mouth hung open slightly as he grimaced. She could tell he was nearing the point at which he lost control, but he was fighting it. He wasn’t touching her the way he normally did, and he didn’t seem to have the heart to put her pleasure before his own.

 

 _He’s exorcising demons_ , she thought. _This isn’t about us at all._

 

Dispirited and more than a little frustrated, Katniss scraped her fingernails down his torso. He grunted, but neither the sight nor sound pushed her any further toward the edge. Realizing her climax wasn’t going to happen without further stimulation, she wondered whether to fake it or not. For once, Peeta didn’t seem inclined to help, and she didn’t really feel like getting herself off when her lover was hard inside her. Deciding it was worth the risk, she leaned back and moaned as if he’d hit her g-spot.

 

Peeta bucked underneath her slightly, and she groaned his name as she slid up and down his cock. Lifting her hands, she kneaded her own breasts since she knew he loved watching her fondle herself, and he choked back his response when he opened his eyes briefly. She decided to pour it on and shouted a stream of expletives and pointless encouragement, but he didn’t seem to notice her heart wasn’t in it. It was almost like she wasn’t even there. She could have been Madge on top of him for all the intimacy Katniss felt.

 

“I’m coming,” Peeta whined, and she clenched around him in hopes the internal spasms would drive her over the edge. When he stilled below her, she ground her hips into his and forced a wail before collapsing onto his chest. He pulled out almost immediately, and she grimaced as his sticky, warm fluid oozed down the inside of her thigh and onto the floor. Their coupling had left her completely unsatisfied.

 

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d faked an orgasm, but what they’d just done barely counted as sex, let alone anything that would make her climax. He was despondent, and she was still in shock from his announcement. She suppressed a bitter laugh that Peeta seemed to be able to ejaculate no matter what his mood. It was a curse to feel so much guilt that it hindered her ability to join him.

 

It took several moments for her to realize Peeta was trembling against her. She glanced at him and saw tears still streaked his cheeks. When he noticed she was watching him, he turned his head away and hunched into himself.

 

“Peeta… Sweetheart?”

 

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for, hon,” she murmured, despite feeling exactly the opposite. When he didn’t respond, she leaned over him to kiss his shoulder and temple. “I love you.”

 

“I love you, too,” he gasped in between frantic breaths. “I’m so sorry, though. I’ve been so awful to you. You should never have had to feel like you were second best.”

 

_Yeah, well, you just did with that lackluster sexual encounter._

 

“Peeta, don’t,” she said out loud. He didn’t need more accusations just then.

 

He shot up and turned on her. “Don’t what?” he demanded. “Don’t admit I’m an adulterer? That I fucked around on my wife while she was pregnant with my baby and that I kept fucking you while he grew into a toddler? That I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants around my best friend, so I forced her to hide her entire social life because I was such a fucking asshole bastard coward that couldn’t make a decision about which pussy I wanted to take my cock? Is that what you want me not to say?”

 

Katniss stared at him, shocked at his vehemence, and tried not to cry. He hadn’t made her feel terrible for a long while, not until his outburst, and now she couldn’t stop the flush of shame that reminded her she’d willingly participated in a physical and emotional affair with another woman’s husband. Not that she could ever stop thinking about it, if she were honest with herself.

 

“I have to clean up,” she choked and stumbled down the hall to her bedroom. She fought to control herself as she wiped his semen from between her legs. Their first time together after his new-found freedom was terrible, nothing like what she’d imagined when she’d allowed herself to dream that they could be together.

 

She stayed in the bathroom for a long while, unwilling and unable to face the man she loved. For a moment, she wondered if the Peeta she’d always known was gone forever. His goodness, loyalty, and sense of self had always been so strong. What if he wasn’t that person anymore after walking out on Madge and his child?

 

“No,” she insisted verbally. “The Peeta I love is still in there somewhere. No one and nothing could make him stop loving me. Nobody could do that.”

 

Peeta was redressed and sitting on the sofa when she returned to the living room. He stared blindly at the wall and barely glanced her way as she crossed to him and sank down onto the cushion.

 

“For what it’s worth, I’m really glad you’re here,” she whispered, and he allowed himself a hint of a smile.

 

“I am, too.”

 

“And I love you.”

 

“I love you,” he returned listlessly.

 

Katniss lay her head on his shoulder, and they sat together as the seconds turned into minutes and minutes into hours. Eventually, he relaxed into her and wrapped his arms around her, although he remained entirely silent as the room darkened.

 

She refused to speak on the off chance he’d yell at her again. A bit after midnight, she finally suggested, “Let’s go to bed.”

 

Peeta nodded and followed her to her bedroom. He stripped down to his boxers and slipped onto what she considered his side of the bed. She debated what to do but finally rummaged in her bureau and excused herself to the bathroom. There, she pulled her hair free of its rumpled braid so it would fall loosely over her shoulders. She washed her face and slid into a muted orange negligee.

 

“This may be the worst idea ever, but…” she muttered under breath and straightened her shoulders. “He’s mine now. He chose me.”

 

Peeta hardly glanced at her when she rejoined him in the bedroom, but she moved to stand in his line of vision until she saw a flicker of interest in the depths of his blue eyes.

 

“You’re gorgeous,” he said softly.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“I’m sorry I’m a mess.”

 

“It’s understandable,” she assured him.

 

“We should probably talk about this more. I’m not sure I can tonight, though.”

 

“Tomorrow’s soon enough,” she assured him and moved closer.

 

He fiddled with the hem of her nightie for a while, and she studied him while his emotions reflected on his face. After a while, he brushed the pads of his fingers against the bare skin of her legs, and she sucked in some air.

 

“You deserve better,” he insisted, but his tone clearly indicated how much he didn’t want to believe it.

 

“Probably, but I want you.”

 

He tugged her toward him, and she tumbled onto the bed next to him. His mouth sought hers as he wound his fingers through her hair and pressed her torso against his bare chest.

 

“I want you so much,” he grumbled and bit her bottom lip. “I want to want you, I mean.”

 

“I think I can convince you,” she goaded and straddled him. The scrap of fabric between her legs provided no barrier between them, and she sucked in a breath when she felt the friction of his boxers against her bare lips. She caressed his chest with one hand and pinched her own nipple with the other until his eyes went dark and she could feel him start to harden under her. “That’s it.”

 

“Fucking hell,” he cursed in a whisper before they fell silent. His hands roamed her body, and she coaxed and prodded him to explore.

 

At one point, he reached over to turn off the light, but she stopped him. She wanted him to see her, look at her, connect with her, and slowly, she felt the distance lessen between them. It took forever, it seemed, as they pressed against each other until they joined. He hissed into her ear as she gripped him. Finally, they gave in and lost themselves in each other. Slow strokes and grasping hands combined with shaky words and ragged breaths as they fell in love all over again. Finally, after what felt like ages of intimacy, they chased each other over the edge. With his lips on her cheek, they drifted into a deep, sated sleep.

 

The next morning, Katniss woke and groaned at the grit in her eyes.

 

“Good morning.”

 

“Holy shit!” she screeched and kicked at him as he tickled her. “I forgot you were here.”

 

“You did, did you?” he grunted and rolled onto her. “I didn’t realize I was so easily ignored.”

 

“Well, I’ve had a lot of practice,” she teased as he nibbled along her jawline. “I had to pretend I wasn’t madly in love with the man of my dreams in front of our co-workers for years. You know, for the sake of propriety.”

 

“Propriety,” he replied, “is overrated.”

 

“It is,” she panted and stretched under him. “I don’t really like prim and proper too much.”

 

“Neither do I.”

 

She squirmed at the look in his eye, and he nudged her with his hardened length. Without a word, she reached to her right and fumbled until she opened the door in her bedside table and grasped a bottle of lube and one of the many toys he’d bought her over the years.

 

“Want to be naughty?” she asked and wiggled the silicone in his face.

 

She squealed when he flipped her over and settled onto the mattress. He took the bottle and vibrator and urged her to slide onto him. She groaned as he filled her, stretching her slightly. She watched in fascination as he squirted lube onto his fingers and arched her back when he slid his hand down her back and rubbed the liquid into her crack.

 

“Open up for me,” he begged, and she stilled on top of him as he fingered her.

 

“We haven’t done this in forever,” she gasped, attempting to maintain control as he worked her open.

 

“I know. Damn marital guilt,” he joked.

 

“Fucking wife at home,” she whimpered. “Put it in me, Peeta.”

 

He removed his fingers quickly and replaced it with the vibrator. When she reared back against it, he flipped it on, and she wailed as steady pulses rocked through her.

 

_This is more like it. This is us together. This is what it can always be like now. This is the creative, sexy, considerate, lustful man I love._

 

“Let’s go, baby,” he crooned and bucked into her.

 

“Fucking fuck,” she cursed and rocked her hips against him. He was so hard inside her, and the double penetration was almost too much to bear.

 

Peeta groaned as she rode him before he began talking filthy. His lewd comments and suggestions drove her wild, and she couldn’t stop herself from shouting his name as she scrunched the sheets in her fists. It only took another thrust or two before the world exploded. She thrashed and bucked, screaming and begging for him to make the torture stop, but he didn’t listen. Instead, he pumped into her harder and faster until tears ran down her cheeks.

 

She was boneless when he finally joined her. He garbled nonsense as he spilled into her, and she flopped like a ragdoll as they ground to a halt.

 

“Peeta,” she sobbed. “Peeta…”

 

“That was obscene,” he moaned. “Dirty Katniss. So, so sexy.”

 

She fidgeted and sighed as her muscles twitched. She was hollowed out from the depth of sexual satisfaction she’d just experienced. She’d forgotten how raunchy they’d often been together as they pushed the boundaries and flirted with getting caught over the years. When he unplugged her, she tensed and bit her bottom lip at the sensation. Several minutes later, she murmured against his chest, “Admit it, your wife wouldn’t do this with you, would she?”

 

As soon as she said it, she knew she’d overstepped. Peeta went rigid beneath her. She huffed as he shoved her off him and scrambled to his feet. He turned to glare at her, his blue eyes spitting fire, and spewed, “You don’t have to trash Madge for not fucking me like a slut. She’s still my wife and the mother of my child.”

 

Katniss shrank back in horror, and Peeta’s face turned bright red.

 

“Shit,” he swore. “I didn’t mean that. I’m—”

 

“Fuck you,” Katniss spat. “I’m not a whore. I’m definitely not _your_ whore.”

 

“Sweetheart,” he began but stopped when she flipped him off and threw the vibrator at him.

 

“Don’t. Talk. To. Me.”

 

“Baby, please.”

 

“Don’t you dare,” she screamed. “I’m not—”

 

“Kat,” he begged.

 

Heartbroken, she whispered, “I’m not a slut.”

 

The irony hit her, and she choked on a sob. She was naked, covered in his bodily fluid and lube, twisted in the sheets, and freshly fucked in the ass with a sex toy by her married lover. She wasn’t exactly model citizen of the year. She’d dreamed of Peeta being hers for years, and now that it was real it was worse than she could have imagined. She didn’t deserve to be happy. She’d ripped apart a family and behaved atrociously.

 

Her cheeks flushed with shame at her moral failure, and she stormed to the bathroom to lock herself away from Peeta’s comforting arms.She didn’t deserve his sympathy or comfort. She’d tempted him, and he’d come to her bed repeatedly, breaking sacred vows to be with her.

 

“What have we done? What have _I_ done? This isn’t how it’s supposed to be,” she sobbed.

 

Eventually, Katniss realized Peeta was knocking on the door of the bathroom and attempting to console her through the barrier. When she’d cried herself out, she opened the door and fixed her gaze on him.

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and opened his arms. She fell into them gratefully. He stroked her hair and back as she clung to him.

 

“I’m sorry for being catty. I should keep my mouth shut about her.”

 

“Katniss,” he sighed, “you don’t have to keep your mouth shut about the woman I married. I’m in love with you, and I choose you instead of her. I’ll choose you every day from now on, but…”

 

“But?” she asked, unsure what he was going to stay.

 

“But I’m still married to her right now. I’m not even sure she realizes I’ve left her. Other than the fact that I didn’t sleep there last night, she might not understand what I meant when I said I couldn’t do this anymore. And Elam—” He choked on his son’s name, and Katniss kissed the underside of his jaw.

 

“This is going to take some time, isn’t it?” she mumbled. She couldn’t comprehend the pain she knew he felt for leaving his child. He lifted her face to his and kissed her gently.

 

“You’re so worth it,” he breathed against her cheek. “You’re so worth everything, Katniss.”

 

It didn’t take long for their kisses to turn feral and their breath to catch in their chests. Peeta made love to her again, worshipping between her legs and taking her to Heaven. She felt cherished and loved as they floated back to earth, completely sated and entirely in the present. They made optimistic plans about the future, convinced they could somehow make things work between them while sparing his wife and child the pain of his leaving.

 

Their optimism faded quickly when Peeta’s phone began buzzing later that evening and didn’t stop. Still naked and wrapped together, they tried to ignore it, but the insistent hum continued until he finally glanced at the screen.

 

“It’s Madge,” he told her, his face apprehensive and his coloring ashen. She held his hand tightly until he spoke again. “What if something happened to Elam and I wasn’t there?”

 

“You should answer the phone,” Katniss urged. “You can’t avoid her forever. You shouldn’t avoid her or your son for me.”

 

Peeta nodded and slid his thumb across the screen. “Hello?”

 

Katniss couldn’t figure out whether to look away or not as the man she loved spoke to the woman to whom he was married. He seemed numb and noncommittal as he answered his wife’s questions.

 

“No, I’m not coming home tonight,” he insisted for the third time. “I told you already. I can’t do this anymore.”

 

She glanced at her hands and squeezed them into fists.

 

“I’m leaving you, Madge.”

 

She stared at the ceiling and bit her lip.

 

“I know we have a child. I love Elam. I’m still his father, and I’m not walking out on him.”

 

She rolled over onto her side and tugged the sheet up to cover her breasts. Lying naked next to him as he broke off his marriage was tacky enough. There was no need to be brazen about it.

 

“Madge, I’m sorry. I know you’re upset, but this is happening. I can’t do this anymore. Our marriage has been over for a long time. We both know neither of us is happy. We haven’t been for years.”

 

Peeta reached for her hand, and Katniss twisted her fingers through his. He clung to her as he continued.

 

“I’m not going to change my mind about this. It’s been coming for a long time. I’m so sorry for hurting you, but it’s time to move on.”

 

 _I’m a horrible person_ , she thought. _I’ve caused so much pain_.

 

“I’ll be home tomorrow to see Elam and get a few things. We can talk more then. No, I’m not doing this anymore over the phone.”

 

Katniss could hear shrieking through the phone line, and Peeta sucked in a breath before losing his temper.

 

“Keep her name out of your mouth, Madge. Our marriage is over regardless of her. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he spat and hung up. He tossed the phone on the bedside table and released a string of profanity that made her ears burn. Katniss watched him as he paced the room, unsure what to say or do. She wasn’t sure what the protocol was for helping a man through the end of his marriage.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

He stopped and threaded his fingers through his hair. With a tortured groan, he answered, “Not really. I mean, yes. I don’t know.”

 

“Uh, I don’t want to tell you what to do or anything, but you might want to put some clothes on if you’re going to storm around my bedroom being pissed off at the world.”

 

He glanced down at himself and snorted with amusement. “You don’t think this is appropriate attire for dumping my wife?”

 

“I think it’s appropriate for making love to the woman of your dreams,” she teased, happy to see a grin twitching at the corners of his mouth.

 

He flopped down next to her, and she resisted the urge to stroke him until he grew hard again. “I don’t know if I have another round in me,” he admitted. “We haven’t done much but fuck like bunnies since I got here last night.”

 

“And it’s been amazing.” He turned to look at her, and she ruffled his hair. “I love you so much.”

 

“Hey,” he murmured.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Let’s go out.”

 

“Like this? We might get arrested for indecent exposure.”

 

He chuckled and pulled the sheet down to expose her breasts again. “I mean, we should get dressed and go out on a date. When’s the last time we had dinner together? Or went to a movie? It’s been forever.”

 

“I don’t know how to tell you this, hon, but we’ve been having an affair for the past few years. Not exactly conducive to going out on dates.”

 

He bent his head and lavished her breast with open-mouthed kisses. “If you want to stay in…”

 

She groaned at the sensation but shook her head with great effort. “If we go out on a date, we can end it in bed together.”

 

“True,” he agreed and ran his thumb over her nipple.

 

“Although, we could start it in bed and forget the going out part,” she moaned.

 

“If you’re ashamed of being seen with me…”

 

She slapped his hands away and leapt out of bed. “Get your ass up and put on your clothes. I can’t wait to eat somewhere outside this apartment with you.”

 

He groaned and flopped onto his back. “Give me a minute. Somebody got me all worked up down…well, you know.”

 

“My sincere apologies, sir,” she teased. “I’m going to take a quick shower. Someone got me really, really dirty. Feel free to join me if you want.”

 

“This is not helping me calm down,” he called after her as she entered the bathroom and shut the door.

 

Katniss stood in front of the mirror and smiled at her reflection. Her face glowed and her gray eyes shone back at her. Her hair was a mess, matted and flat from their time in bed together since he’d arrived at her doorstep the night before. The messy semblance of a braid was practically non-existent, and she had faint bruises on her hips where he’d gripped her tightly as he pounded into her.

 

“He’s yours now,” she whispered to her reflection and grinned. “All yours.”

 

She showered quickly and then changed rooms with Peeta. She dressed in a filmy cotton dress in a tangerine color she knew he liked and re-braided her hair before sitting on the couch to wait for him. Peeta joined her several minutes later. He cleared his throat and held out his hand to her.

 

“You look gorgeous,” he murmured and lifted her chin so he could brush his lips against hers. “I’m the luckiest man in the world to have found you.”

 

“Even if it was a few years too late?”

 

He regarded her seriously and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her right ear. “Even if I met you at the last second of my life, I’d be grateful for the time we had together. And equally upset that forever with you wouldn’t be long enough.”

 

She curled her fingers into the curls at the nape of his neck and pressed against him. It amazed her that his body turned her on even as they prepared to leave the apartment. She wanted to strip him and drag him to bed, but that’s all they’d done for the past 24 hours. With a sigh, she shook herself and made up her mind.

 

“I want a date with my boyfriend,” she insisted.

 

“Your boyfriend?” Peeta asked with a pleased grin. “I haven’t been called anyone’s boyfriend for years.”

 

“Well, ‘man friend’ sounds weird, so we’ll have to go with it.”

 

He kissed her gently and traced her lips with the tip of his tongue. She bit his bottom lip and reconsidered staying home before releasing him.

 

 _My willpower knows no bounds_ , she thought wryly. _Except for that whole extramarital affair crap._

 

“Where are we going?” she asked as he escorted her through the door and then downstairs to the street. He hailed a cab and helped her into it before sharing their destination with the driver.

 

“I thought maybe we’d try that new place we wanted to check out the last time Madge was— I mean, the last weekend we spent together. District 7.”

 

“That fancy seafood place?” she asked, surprised. “That’s…pricey.”

 

Peeta kissed her softly. “You’re worth every penny. Stop fretting. We have every right to go out on a date.”

 

Katniss bit her lip and cuddled into his side. She didn’t know how to explain her glee that he wanted her, but it wasn’t as if his situation was resolved. If she was at all accurate in her thinking about his wife, she assumed Madge wouldn’t take their separation lying down. She worried about the legal battle Madge could wage to slow down the divorce and the ability for him to be hers. They faced a myriad of hurdles in the next few months.

 

“Ready, Ms. Everdeen?” he asked and helped her from the cab. When she gripped his arm, he ushered her into the restaurant and smiled as her eyes sparkled.

 

Chandeliers hung from the ceiling, and lights twinkled outside the massive picture windows. The host showed them to a small table tucked into an alcove with gorgeous views of the city’s skyline. Candlelight glowed around them, and their waiter gave them just enough attention to cater to their every need without smothering them. When they’d ordered and each sipped a full-bodied cabernet, Peeta reached across the table and took her hand.

 

“Here’s to our life together,” he said, his voice choked with emotion. He clinked his glass to hers and took a sip.

 

“I still can’t believe it.”

 

Katniss swallowed as she admired the way his jaw tensed. His eyes softened as he studied her, and his lips curved into a smile that made her toes tingle.

 

“I want to marry you,” he announced softly. “I know that can’t happen right away, but that’s my end goal. I want you to be Mrs. Peeta Mellark, as soon as you want it after everything is resolved.”

 

“Peeta…”

 

“I know it’s a lot. I know things are changing really fast, but you should know how much I care about you,” he insisted. “I meant it when I said I did this for us. I know we’ve only talked about our future in hypotheticals, but I don’t ever want you to wonder. If you want me to, I’ll propose as soon as… Well, as soon as it’s final.”

 

“Oh,” she gulped.

 

“Unless you don’t want me to?” he asked. She could tell he was fighting hurt feelings, but she wasn’t sure how to answer him. As much as she’d wanted this to happen, she hadn’t really ever dreamed it would.

 

“Of course I want you to,” she answered. “I mean— Peeta, this is— It’s hard to comprehend. We’re talking about getting married. And it’s real. You mean it.”

 

“I do mean it.”

 

“Do you remember the first time we worked together?”

 

Surprise colored his features, but he recovered quickly. “Of course. I remember everything about you.”

 

“You were so charming,” she reminisced. “I was terrified, working in a job I wasn’t sure I could do and surrounded by a bunch of people who seemed to have it all together. I loved your genuineness, your kindness. You asked me about why I went into social work. You listened when I told you about my father dying. You paid attention and made me feel completely comfortable. I think I fell in love with you that first day, and then I saw your wedding band.”

 

“You were absolutely beautiful that day,” he returned. “I knew as soon as I walked into the conference room that you mattered, that you would matter to me, more than I could stand. Madge and I were already having trouble when I met you—almost from the first day we married—and you reminded me of everything I’d ever wanted in a partner. I was so stupid to rush into something with her.”

 

“I knew I couldn’t have you, so I put you in a box,” she continued. “The married and unavailable box, but I was so lonely. I’d been single for so long, and my last relationship ended terribly. I wanted to be with someone again, and for an instant I thought it could be you. But that damn wedding band. Completely off limits.”

 

“You hid it well, you know,” he mused. “I had no idea you had any feelings at all toward me for the longest time. I fell hard for you, but you didn’t show any interest. I had to respect your wishes, and I really did want to be a good husband. I come from a family with a long line of divorces. I couldn’t stand following in those footsteps, especially when she got pregnant.”

 

“I didn’t know for the longest time. Or I couldn’t face it. I just thought you were nice. And that you needed a buddy. You shocked the hell out of me that night you showed up at my apartment and admitted you’d said my name with her.”

 

He blushed and glanced down at his hands. “I had a talk with Johanna that week. More like she accosted me and told me in unwavering terms that I wasn’t being fair to you. I know you don’t like her that much, but she’s an incredibly loyal friend to you. She made me realize how unfair I was being to both you and Madge.”

 

“I know your marriage hasn’t been the happiest, but I always wondered how much of what you complained about was genuine and how much was you pushing the boundaries with me,” Katniss mumbled, unsure whether or not a romantic date at a restaurant was the appropriate time to discuss her part in helping break up his marriage.

 

He sighed and took a drink of wine before squaring his shoulders. “Madge is a wonderful person—just not with me. I’ve known her for a long time, and she was the kindest, gentlest soul, but things changed when we got together. She lost her confidence; she became overbearing; she flew into jealous rages; she wanted to control everything I did. It was almost like she was a totally different person. I’m sure it was mostly my fault. I pulled away, became more and more distant emotionally, almost dared her to doubt me. At the same time, I spoiled her, catered to her every whim, but by the time we got married, she hardly resembled the woman I’d known in college. I should have stopped it before the ceremony, but my mother—”

 

Several moments passed, during which he remained silent. When he didn’t continue, she prodded, “Your mother what?”

 

“My mother insisted.”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“I haven’t told you a lot about my family, and there’s a good reason for that. My mother is…difficult, and she and Madge are very close. She’s not going to take the news of the divorce well at all.”

 

She buttered a piece of bread and nibbled at the corner for a while before broaching her question. Terrified beyond words, she forced herself to ask, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

 

“Yes!” he yelped and then hissed his answer a second time as other diners glanced their way. “I want to be with you. Proudly. Openly. Legally. If I’m in the hospital in a coma, you’re the one I want to pull the plug.”

 

He said it with such seriousness she had to laugh. _How morbid_ , she thought, but then she thought about the reality of their situation. If something happened to him, she had no right to him in any way. She loved him from the depths of her very soul, but doctors wouldn’t care because she didn’t have a ring on her finger. Laughter bubbled up inside her, and she was pleased to see his lips twitch with humor too. She squeezed his hand across the table, and they finished dinner in good spirits.

 

“How did you like that, sweetheart?” Peeta asked as his lips brushed her temple and his chin rested on the top of her head. The sidewalk outside the restaurant was mostly empty, and a gentle breeze swept over them.

 

She hummed her approval before hooking her fingers in Peeta’s belt loops. “Let’s go get a drink.”

 

“We just had a bottle of wine,” he protested. “I thought we were going to…you know.”

 

“I want to ‘you know’ with a buzz,” she insisted. “Let’s get a drink. Or two. Or seven.”

 

An hour and five shots later, Katniss couldn’t feel her face as Peeta stumbled into the cab and pulled her in next to him. They pawed at each other the entire way back to her apartment and tripped over themselves until they staggered inside her door and closed it tightly.

 

His left hand found its way under her dress, and he pulled down her panties until they fell at her ankles. She fumbled with his belt until it slipped open and unzipped his pants.

 

“Peeta, now.”

 

“Are you drunk?” he asked, his words slightly slurred as he hitched her leg over his hip.

 

“Drunk schmunk,” she babbled. “Fuck me hard.”

 

Peeta angled her higher and pushed into her. He swallowed her wail as he set a punishing pace. He slammed her against the door with every thrust, and she dropped her head back and hung onto his shoulders.

 

She was only slightly aware of his kisses as he pounded into her. She didn’t care about anything other than him inside her. They were just them—two people fiercely in lust. There were no wives or kids or nagging sisters. No judging co-workers or disappointed mothers. No moral failings on her part or inability to stand up for himself on his. No one could make them feel anything but drunken hunger as they rutted against each other. In that moment, she coveted him more deeply than she ever had.

 

As Peeta wound her tighter, she clung to that feeling. She knew he was close, and she ground against him so she could join him. They’d need every positive vibe they could get in the days to come. She knew they would, but this night was just for them.

 

As she called his name, she realized they’d already slipped into a familiar routine. They fucked to relieve their guilt, to brand the other, and to shut out the weight of the world that bore down on their shoulders.

 

 _Not just familiar_ , she thought as she bit his shoulder and came. _Too familiar._


	5. Chapter 5

 

Katniss woke the next morning too hungover to do anything but groan when Peeta woke her with his morning wood. He tried to romance her, but she shoved him away and sprinted for the bathroom. She hung her head over the toilet and prayed for relief, but none came. Finally, she stumbled back to bed, her stomach roiling and her head pounding.

 

“Are you okay?” Peeta asked, concern coloring his blue eyes. “You look terrible.”

 

She gagged and lurched toward the bathroom but didn’t make it in time. Her heart sank as her stomach clenched and she vomited onto the floor of her bedroom. Peeta cursed behind her, and she dropped to her knees. Berating herself for not drinking water before she fell asleep the night before, she crawled around the mess and along the bathroom tile before she wretched again. When her stomach was empty, she collapsed, grateful for the coolness of the tile.

 

“What can I do to help?” Peeta asked. She glanced up at him as he hovered in the doorway and shook her head.

 

“Leave me here to die,” she whimpered and rolled onto her side.

 

She must have fallen asleep because she woke up later in her bed. Peeta had cleaned the floor and was standing over her. She grimaced as he held out a glass of water and some pain medicine to her. Chagrined, she gulped both down.

 

“Maybe we should have stopped with the wine,” Peeta teased, and she flushed uncomfortably. Her skin was sticky underneath the sheets, and she hated the vulnerability of her nakedness. She’d never been the type to flaunt her sexuality to get what she wanted unless it was with him, and this wasn’t the time to tempt him anyway. She felt awful.

 

 _Until now_ , she berated herself. _Until I seduced Peeta without even realizing it._

 

“Feeling any better?”

 

She nodded even though she didn’t really. “Bet you’re glad you chose me.”

 

His wry laugh didn’t ease her embarrassment, and his next words set her on edge.

 

“I need to take off, Kat. It’s almost noon, and I promised Madge I’d swing by home today.”

 

Something about the way he said the word “home” bothered her, but she filed it away to deal with later. She was still too traumatized that she’d gotten sick in front of him to feel anything other than intense shame.

 

“Are you coming back tonight?” Katniss asked in such a pitiful voice it embarrassed her.

 

Peeta leaned down and brushed his lips against her forehead. When he stood up again, he caressed her cheek until her eyes misted.

 

“I’m not sure, sweetheart,” he murmured. “I haven’t seen Elam for two days. I should probably be his dad tonight—no matter how much I’d rather be here with you.”

 

“I love you,” she whispered.

 

“Love you, too,” he replied softly before backing toward the door. “I’ll let you know what’s happening.”

 

She nodded, too upset to respond. She knew she was being ridiculous. It would take time for Peeta to work through the practicalities and legalities of leaving his wife. There would likely be a custody hearing, and Katniss had little hope that the divorce would go uncontested. Madge wouldn’t let him go easily.

 

Yet, Katniss was impatient. She’d been the “other woman” for so long, and she wanted to be able to live life without hiding how much they cared about each other. As much as she dreaded the judgment and side-eyes she knew people would throw their way, going public was a hope she’d been harboring for far too long.

 

She allowed herself to wallow after he left. She didn’t want to get up or shower or do anything other than snuggle into the sheets she and Peeta had christened several times since he’d arrived on her doorstep. Finally, however, the taste in her mouth forced her to the bathroom and her toothbrush. She felt almost human again after a quick shower. Dressing in ragged sweatpants and a threadbare t-shirt, she braided her hair and plopped onto the couch. Determined to make it through the next several hours without succumbing to jealousy, she flipped on the TV.

 

She groaned when her phone buzzed, but then grabbed it in case it was Peeta calling. When she saw who it was, she tossed it onto the coffee table and tried to ignore it by turning up the volume of the program she was watching. Unfortunately, the phone screen flashed continuously, and she finally gave up and answered.

 

“Hi, Prim,” Katniss sighed.

 

“Katniss! Why didn’t you answer your phone? I’ve been calling you all weekend.”

 

“Sorry. Had the ringer turned off,” she lied. “What’s going on?”

 

“I just wanted to check in with you. Make sure you’re okay. Chat with you about our mother’s 65th birthday. Maybe we should plan something.”

 

“Oh,” she replied, “yeah. That’s kind of a big deal, isn’t it?”

 

“Big Sister, you are the queen of understatement.”

 

“Well, you know me. Lovable and the life of the party.”

 

“I think you’re lovable. No matter what.”

 

Katniss sucked in air through her teeth and contemplated telling her sibling about the major change with Peeta. Prim hadn’t always been the most supportive of her love life, but this was different. The man she loved was finally hers, and surely her sister would be glad for her. After all this time, Katniss could finally be happy. Get married. Have children of her own. Just like she’d always wanted.

 

“I have some news,” she finally announced.

 

“You do?” her sister squealed. “You got a promotion. You’re changing jobs. You met someone. You FINALLY broke it off with that married jerk you’ve been hung up on for way too long. Tell me, tell me, tell me!”

 

Katniss grimaced and swallowed hard. She briefly considered lying, but waiting would only prolong the inevitable. At some point, she’d have to tell the little sister she admired and adored that she hadn’t ended the affair.

 

“I, uh… Umm…”

 

“Spit it out, Kat. Tell me your news!”

 

“You’re probably not going to like this…”

 

“No. Don’t tell me. You’ve got some life-threatening illness. You lost your job. You’re pregnant with that dick’s baby. Why are you doing this to me?”

 

“Yeah, okay. I’m going to go,” Katniss said flatly and disconnected the call. She chucked the phone across the room and turned up the TV volume again. The last thing she wanted to do was listen to a sermon. She should have known better than to think her sister would take the news well.

 

“And I didn’t even tell her what it was,” she muttered.

 

Eventually, she grew bored with the show she was watching and flipped to her DVR. She watched three episodes of a bad reality show and made a grocery list as she watched the drama unfold. After that, she started a load of laundry and dusted her home office. By that evening, she was stir-crazy, frustrated, and full of doubt.

 

“What if he changes his mind?” she wailed.

 

A knock at the door made her heart soar, and she flew to open it. She was in his arms immediately, and he kissed her like he’d been gone for weeks.

 

“I’m so glad you’re back,” she panted as she clung to him. “I missed you.”

 

“Same,” he mumbled and tugged her shirt over her head.

 

“How’d it go?”

 

“Fine. We can talk about it later.  After.”

 

“After what?” she teased and bit his neck.

 

“After I get you naked.”

 

“Naked. Hmmm. What is there to do when we’re naked?”

 

“We can fuck,” he growled and proceeded to show her exactly what he meant.

 

The rest of the night passed in a blissful, sex-hazed cloud. She didn’t ask about his time at home again, and he didn’t offer to answer her earlier question. She pushed all thoughts of her sister and his wife away and reveled in the feel of him inside her. By the time they woke the next morning, Katniss could hardly walk, and Peeta’s smirk made her want to punch him.

 

“You aren’t that good, Mellark. Wipe that expression off your face.”

 

“If I’m not that good, then you wouldn’t be limping from having my dick inside you all weekend.” That set her off again, and he took her over the sink in the bathroom before letting her get ready for work.

 

They entered the building where they worked separately that day, and neither mentioned anything out of the ordinary to their co-workers. There was no way Peeta was ready to admit to their affair, even if it had been appropriate to share his personal life at his job. Johanna made a sarcastic comment about Katniss glowing, but Annie shot her a dirty look to stop further conversation.

 

At quitting time, Katniss sprinted for the stairs and pressed her legs together as she waited for him at the subway station. She could barely keep her hands to herself during the short commute, and they were half-naked by the time they reached her door.

 

“Get inside me,” she moaned as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He slammed her back against the wall and pumped into her several times. That’s all it took before he shot into her, and she rubbed herself to follow him. When he’d set her back on the floor, they stumbled to the couch, and she greedily gulped in air. Breathless from their coupling, she was feeling a little lightheaded.

 

“How long do you think this will last?” Peeta asked as his hands caressed her back.

 

“How long do I think what will last?” she returned, too spent to do anything other than enjoy the tiredness in her limbs and the ache between her thighs.

 

“Mind-blowing, earth-shattering sex.”

 

“As long as we keep thinking we’re going to get caught while we’re going at it,” she grumbled, and he pulled back to look at her.

 

“Katniss, that’s kind of sick.”

 

“Sick but true, isn’t it? I’m your clandestine thrill? Sex with your mistress is steamy and forbidden. Doing it with your steady partner is…eh. We can always resort to sneaking it in public places if you get too bored.”

 

“I-I don’t know how to answer that,” he stammered, and she buried her face against his chest.

 

“It’s okay,” she reassured him. “I know, and I can tell you I look really good to you right now specifically because I’m the one you can’t have. What happens when you can?”

 

“I’ll still love you.” She shook her head, and he gripped her chin to force her to look at him. “Katniss Camellia Everdeen, I am in love with you. No amount of sex or lack thereof will change that. None.”

 

“How did you know my middle name? No one calls me that. It’s hideous.”

 

Peeta chuckled and shook his head. “I looked up your file at work one day when you were out sick and I missed you so much I could barely function. Don’t change the subject. I love you. You’re not a fad. You’re my soulmate.”

 

For a split second, she hesitated. This seemed like a moment that would define their relationship. She could respond in a such a way that they discussed the future in a very real context, or she could continue as they had been. She knew what she should do, but the light from the window made his hair glow and his eyes sparkle. He was so handsome in that moment, so gorgeous, that talking was the last thing she wanted.

 

“Your soulmate would like to ask a favor, then,” she suggested in a husky voice.

 

“My gifts and talents are at your disposal,” he returned with a wink.

 

“I’m setting a timer. Make it all about me until it goes off. Then make me do the same.”

 

His eyes darkened, and he followed behind her with a lustful smile as she walked down the hall to her bedroom. Purposefully, she pulled out several bottles of edible lotions and lined them on the bedside table. After she arranged herself on the bed, she pressed the timer button on her phone and grinned at him.

 

“You may begin,” she said airily and winked at him.

 

The next few weeks passed much the same way. They spent every spare moment avoiding conversation and falling into bed together, desperate to prove their love was real. The hours he slipped away to visit his son were torture for her, and she sat tensely until he came back, unable to focus on anything substantial. When he returned to her, she often met him wearing something enticing, and she spent copious amounts of time trying to seduce him as soon as he walked back through the door to her place.

 

“You are going to kill me if we keep this up,” Peeta groaned one day after she’d ridden him with abandon during a failed attempt to watch TV. “And you’ve got to stop with those panties. It’s not fair to wear tangas every day. It’s not even really underwear when you only have a string in your pussy.”

 

“If it gets you hard, I don’t really care,” she teased and tried to kiss him again.

 

“Kat, stop,” he protested and held her away from him. “My dick can’t take anymore. I feel like all we do now is fuck until we’re too tired to talk. I miss having other things with you.”

 

She raised his hands to her bare breasts and squeezed them, but Peeta pulled away again.

 

“What’s wrong?” she asked, completely bewildered. Normally, he loved fondling her, but he didn’t seem at all interested today.

 

Peeta looked at her for several moments before heaving a huge sigh. He lifted her off him and stumbled to his feet to tug his jeans over his hips. He tossed a throw to her and indicated she should cover herself before announcing, “I think maybe I need to get my own place.”

 

Her heart sank, and she blinked away the hot tears that sprang to her eyes. It had only been a few months, and he was already tired of her.

 

“We’ve been playing house since I left Madge,” he offered in explanation. “I left her because I’m in love with you, but I didn’t ask you if I could move in. I just kind of fell into bed with you and didn’t leave.”

 

Shaking, she closed her eyes to ward off his words, but they hit her anyway.

 

“Madge won’t agree to a divorce unless I at least pretend to give it a chance once more time,” he explained sheepishly. “I told her last night that we could go to couple’s counseling for a few months before I filed.”

 

Katniss couldn’t stop blinking, which was a clear indication she was stunned. She opened and closed her mouth several times before finally blurting, “You agreed to _what_?!”

 

“Couple’s counseling,” he confirmed as her ears roared.

 

“We ate each other out on my kitchen counter last night, and you want to go to counseling with your _wife_?” she sputtered, unable to comprehend what he was saying.

 

“Here we go again,” he mumbled, and her temper flared.

 

“Here we go again? You think I should be okay with this?”

 

“What the hell do you want me to do, Katniss?” he asked. “I love you, but my wife has some fucked up idea that I should live with her and our child. Call me crazy, but if I have to agree to see a therapist with her a few times so she’ll sign the damned divorce papers…”

 

“You haven’t even filed!”

 

“Because I know she won’t sign them yet! She’s deluded herself into thinking we can make it work! She keeps talking about reputations and how divorce isn’t for people like us—whatever the hell that means—and I’m at the end of my rope. Every time I put my foot down about it, she tries to distract me.”

 

“Distract you?”

 

“With Elam. With questions about our finances,” he explained. “One day she put Elam down for a nap and…well, uh, tried some other stuff.”

 

She studied him carefully for a few minutes, and a horrific thought struck her.

 

“You haven’t slept with her since we’ve been together, right?” Peeta ducked his head at her question, and she gaped at him. “Oh my god. Please do not tell me I’ve forgone protection when you’re sleeping with another woman.”

 

She gagged when he was silent, and he had the nerve to scoff at her. “We had an affair for over three years. We haven’t used condoms since the first few months. Do you really think I wasn’t having sex with my wife at all during that time?”

 

Katniss went numb. She wasn’t stupid enough to believe he’d been faithful to her—

 

_Oh, hell. Faithful to me? You’re having an affair, Katniss. He’s not being faithful to anyone except himself._

She couldn’t look at him as she contemplated what he’d just told her. She should have known. Maybe she had known, but he was so matter of fact when he talked about being with another woman that it made her want to scream. She feared she was losing her grip on reality as she thought back over the past few years.

 

“I don’t even know what to say,” she admitted and glanced down. She pulled the blanked over her tighter, suddenly ashamed at the wanton way she’d ridden him earlier, as well as her nakedness. “I know I’m being ridiculous. I know I’m your mistress, but you said you loved me.”

 

“I _do_ love you!”

 

“But you slept with Madge.”

 

“I’m married to Madge!”

 

“But you don’t love her!”

 

They stared at each other, both frustrated and worried. She’d had such high hopes for them, but this wasn’t working the way she’d thought it would.

 

“Kat, honey,” he began, and she hunched her shoulders. “I did what I had to do.”

 

“I know,” she answered quietly.

 

And she did understand, which was terrifying. She’d hidden things from people she loved and excused herself from social commitments so she could meet Peeta secretly. She’d been the one to suggest he stop wearing condoms, not him, because she wanted sex with her to be as good as it could be. She’d offered the option of oral sex as a way for them to be together without feeling too guilty. She’d made the first move when it went beyond that. She’d happily avoided conversations about the long term while they had their affair. She’d enabled him, she realized. He’d taken what she offered, and now she was experiencing the consequences.

 

“This is so fucked up,” he groaned, and she nodded. “I know I’ve screwed up a million things, and I’ll apologize for every single one of them. I won’t try to, but I’m positive I’ll make more mistakes and will apologize for them too. I’ll grovel at your feet if I have to if that’s what it takes for you to know how much you mean to me, but I’m not going to apologize for having sex with my wife. It was more of a marital duty than anything else, but you’ve got to understand. I had to if I wanted her to…”

 

“To not realize you had a side piece.”

 

He tried to tug her to him, but she refused. “You’re not just a side piece. You’re the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

 

“Right after you go to couples counseling, file for divorce, and figure out what to do about custody for your son.”

 

“You’re the woman I love so much I’m willing to destroy the others I care about, including my own flesh and blood, because I cannot fathom living one more day hurting you.” His eyes shone, and he sighed, “I’m a terrible father.”

 

“Don’t go tonight,” she said softly. “I understand you needing to get your own place, but don’t leave right now.”

 

He nodded carefully and kissed her on the cheek. “I am genuinely sorry I’ve hurt you. I know I have, and it breaks my heart. All I ever wanted to do was make your life better.”

 

“I know. You have.”

 

He cradled her against him for several minutes. The silence soothed them slightly as they both battled their demons.

 

“You want to cook dinner together?” he finally asked. “Maybe it’s time to bring the normal to this relationship.”

 

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Let me get dressed.”

 

“Don’t bother. You don’t even have to worry with undies. I’m just going to take them off you later anyway.” She shook her head at him, and he had the decency to look chagrined. “Sorry. I’m not doing much to convince you I want anything other than dirty fucking, am I?”

 

“Well, we’re good at that,” she answered flatly.

 

“We were good at making each other laugh before all this started. I miss that.” She nodded, unable to trust her voice. “Please don’t be upset, sweetheart. We’re together now. We just have to wait a little bit longer for it to be official.”

 

She stood then and allowed the blanket to drop to the ground. She cocked her hip as his eyes washed over her naked body, and she winked at him when he adjusted himself. She was doing it again, but she didn’t care. She was too ragged inside to handle it any other way.

 

“I’ll cook dinner with you if I’m part of the menu.”

 

He hugged her to him, his bare arms warm against her back. “I think being naked chefs is exactly the kind of thing we could make our own.”

 

“Maybe we should wear aprons,” she suggested. “I don’t want your cock cooked.”

 

He snorted and rifled through a drawer for a towel he could tie around his waist. He whistled when he turned and saw her with a frilly apron covering her bare skin.

 

“You’re going to be dessert tonight, so keep that in mind,” he warned as she motioned for him to tie it in the back for her. He pulled the bow tight, kissed the back of her neck, and ran his hands down her back to cup her buttocks. “You are such a distraction.”

 

“I don’t understand how wearing only an apron is enticing. It’s like you enjoy seeing my ass or something.” She blinked rapidly at him in mock confusion, and he grinned and slapped her bare cheeks. She jumped at the sensation as his smack sent a tingle between her legs.

 

He reached for her again and teased, “I enjoy a hell of a lot more than your ass. Although… Mmm.”

 

“We’re not doing anal tonight,” she insisted and crossed to the fridge. “You just told me you feel like all we ever do anymore is sex each other up. Keep it in your pants, Peeta.”

 

“I’m not wearing pants, and I changed my mind. Let’s go on the extra-marital affair diet. We’ll be thin on guilt, shame, and unbelievably great sex.”

 

“Tempting. So tempting,” she responded quietly. She was tired of feeling awful about what she’d done. It was finally her turn to be happy, and she didn’t want to focus on her soulmate’s first marriage. “Let’s cook.”

 

Thankfully, Peeta took the hint, and they whipped up a batch of sweet potato pancakes and turkey bacon. When they were done, he spread her out on her kitchen table and covered her various body parts with whipped cream and chocolate sauce before licking and sucking her clean. By the time he was done with her, she couldn’t remember his name. She snuggled into him that night, too tired to care that he’d committed to finding his own apartment by the end of the week.

 

When he found a studio not far from her place, Katniss had to admit he seemed happy. He babbled about having a place to paint again—something he hadn’t done since the early years of his marriage when Madge told him his oil paints made her sick and art wasn’t a career that could support them.

 

“I can’t wait to see what you create,” Katniss murmured as she took in the natural light filtering into the space through the slanted windows. “I didn’t know you were into art.”

 

“How’s that possible?” he laughed and regaled her with stories of his work during his college years.

 

His enthusiasm worried her, but she couldn’t put her finger on why. It took several minutes for her to realize she didn’t like surprises. She’d thought she knew everything about him, and he kept revealing new information every time they talked. She winced at her sudden awareness that his life before meeting her had been varied and full. His first marriage made more sense as he continually filled her in on things she’d never known.

 

“Hey,” he murmured as he came up behind her and settled his chin into the nook between her chin and shoulder. “Why don’t you model for me?”

 

“What do you mean?” she whispered and leaned back against him. Her heart hammered in her chest, and she tried to relax.

 

“I mean,” he explained as he nuzzled her neck, “I need some artwork to liven up this place. Why don’t you let me paint you? I wouldn’t mind having your eyes on me all the time.”

 

She giggled as he nibbled on her ear. “That doesn’t sound creepy at all. Stalker mistress.”

 

“I almost said I wouldn’t mind having you hanging on my wall, but that seemed worse,” he admitted. “That or you mounted on my wall.”

 

“I think I’d be mounting you,” she remarked pointedly, and he covered her mouth with his.

 

“Whatever works,” he agreed as his hands roamed her body.

 

He managed to pull himself away, and he piled blankets and pillows on the floor. When he’d created a makeshift nest, he pulled her down on top of him and kissed her senseless. They christened his new place with slow, unhurried, and intensely intimate love making. When they were done, Peeta declared the early afternoon sun perfect lighting for her portrait.

 

She reclined in the material, her legs spread slightly and her back arched just enough so her breasts jutted toward him. Her skin was still dewy, and she squirmed slightly as fluid trickled from her. When she asked if she should clean up, he shook his head.

 

“I mean, unless you want to,” he relented, “but it’s so erotic, Katniss. You look like a sex goddess.”

 

Irrationally pleased, Katniss smiled softly. He took his time, deliberately sketching her in preparation for painting her in full color. She loved the way he worked. His strong hands created art as his tongue protruded slightly in concentration. He squinted at her as he studied her, and she noted a hint of enthusiasm she hadn’t seen from him for a long time. She could almost see him regenerating before her.

 

“I never thought I’d be able to have you on display,” he mused as he swirled paint over the canvas. “At home or anywhere else.”

 

Wistful, she shifted and stared out the window. “Any regrets?”

 

Peeta remained quiet for a long while, and she held her breath. She wished things could have been different between them, but she still didn’t want to be anything other than his first choice. That would break her heart.

 

“None,” he answered in his softest voice. “And all of them at the same time.”

 

He met her eyes, and the sadness she saw there was rivaled only by the look of love. It struck her how much of a sacrifice he’d made for her. She hadn’t fully appreciated how much he had to lose by choosing her over the comfortable life he’d built for him and his family. His divorce would be a financial blow, but it would also deprive him of watching his son take milestones he wouldn’t be in the house to see. Maybe he’d been weak for starting the affair, but the Peeta in front of her was full of conviction and a quiet confidence. He knew what it would take for them to be happy together, and he’d made hard choices she hadn’t had the guts to face, let alone make herself.

 

“I need to go,” she mumbled. She was so full of conflicting emotions, she could hardly breathe. “I like the new place. Let me know when you want to hang out again.”

 

She scrambled to her feet and gathered her clothes. Hopping on one leg, she slipped into her jeans before twisting her shirt several ways before it would fit over her head.

 

“Hey.” His hand landed on her forearm, and she glanced up at him sheepishly. “Don’t be scared.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“I think you are.”

 

“Why would I be scared?” she scoffed as her stomach twisted.

 

“Because you’ve been convinced for years that nobody would want you, and now I’m here.”

 

She rolled her eyes and tugged her arm free. “You’ve been here for a while, you know.”

 

“Yes, but I wasn’t free to be with you for a long time,” he explained and pulled her into a loose hug. “You deserve to be happy, sweetheart. I love you. I’m going to marry you, you know.”

 

She froze, and his eyes widened in surprise.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“I need to go!” She jerked free and fled the apartment. Halfway back to her place, she pulled her phone from her pocket and called her sister.

 

“Katniss?” Prim answered, and Katniss sagged in relief.

 

“Primmy, I’m so glad you answered.”

 

“It’s been a while. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk to me, so I gave you some space.”

 

“You haven’t exactly indicated you’d be a bedrock of support.”

 

Her sister sighed into the phone before pointing out, “I haven’t exactly had the chance. You hung up on me the last time I tried to talk to you.”

 

“Can you come visit?” she blurted, suddenly desperate to see her sister. “I can’t really get away, but I have big news, and I’d really like to spend some time with you.”

 

“Katniss, what’s going on? Please tell me. I’ll come, but tell me what’s happening. I’ve been worried for weeks.”

 

“Peeta left his wife,” she finally announced, and her voice broke on the last word. “We’re—we’re together now. I mean, the divorce isn’t final yet, but we’re together.”

 

“He’s living with you?”

 

“He has his own place.”

 

“I see.”

 

“Please be happy for me,” she begged. “I love him. I know this isn’t ideal. I know you’re disappointed in me, but I love him. And I want the chance to be happy.”

 

Her sister remained silent for several moments. Finally, just as Katniss was about to give up hope, Prim spoke.

 

“I am happy for you.”

 

“Y-you are?”

 

“I am,” she confirmed. “I think you deserve better. I know you think Peeta’s the most wonderful man that’s ever existed, but I’m not convinced that’s true. I realize I don’t really know him, but… You deserve the best. I don’t think he’s it. I’m not sure how to make you understand I mean that in the most loving way possible.”

 

Safely inside her apartment, Katniss sank onto her couch and burst into tears. “He is the most wonderful man. He is!”

 

“Okay,” Prim answered.

 

“Then why do I feel so terrible?” she sobbed.

 

“Because you’re a good person who’s made some questionable choices, and you’re dealing with the consequences.”

 

“Why couldn’t this be easy?” she wailed. “Why couldn’t I meet a guy in college like you did and fall in love and get married? Why couldn’t I talk about being in love and plan for the future and share it with Mom? Why did I have to go through all this? I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I didn’t want to be that person. None of this is fair!”

 

“No, it’s not fair. Not to you or him or his family.”

 

“You’re supposed to be making me feel better!”

 

“It’s not fair, but would you rather not have him?”

 

Her stomach dropped at her sister’s words. The thought of losing him now, of not being with him after all this pain, made her hurt so bad she could hardly breathe. For an awful few minutes, she allowed herself to imagine never seeing him again. It made her sick to her stomach.

 

“No. No, no, no. I will always choose him.”

 

“That’s because you’re a fighter, Big Sister. You always have been. You’ve scrapped and scrimped and saved and worked your ass off, and now you’re going to have to do the same thing for him,” Prim explained. “I don’t understand the appeal of someone who would cheat. What I do know is you, and if you love this man, then I believe there’s a reason. So, as nice as it would be for things to work out without having to struggle, that’s not your way.”

 

Katniss swallowed hard. Prim made a lot of sense, and there was no one who knew her better than her sister. Except Peeta.

 

“Come see me as soon as you can get away,” Katniss ordered into the phone. “I love you, and I have to go.”

 

“But Kat—!”

 

“Love you!”

 

She was out the door in seconds. Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to be back in his arms. He was right. She was scared, but she wasn’t one to run from her problems. They’d avoided talking for too long. Instead of facing what they’d done, they’d been ignoring it through sex. When they’d fought, it was terrible, so she avoided being completely honest with him. As many mistakes as Peeta had made, he’d also taken positive steps for their relationship by moving out and insisting they engage in mundane activities together. She’d never grocery shopped so much in her life.

 

It was time to face things, and now she couldn’t wait another second. She wanted to start immediately.

 

“What are you doing back here?” Peeta asked with a delighted grin when he opened the door. “I thought you needed to go home.”

 

She tried to stop the smile from spreading across her face, but his words eased a deep hurt she’d been trying to suppress for a long time. “Are you going to ask me to marry you, or just haul me down to City Hall against my will?”

 

Her stomach dropped as smile faded. “What’s wrong?”

 

He grabbed her hand pulled her to the pile of blankets that still littered the floor. She glanced at the canvas where he’d painted her, but he pulled her down beside him and she lost sight of anything but him. His tortured eyes blazed at her for a few breathless moments before he finally dropped his head in his hands.

 

“This is all so fucked up.”

 

“What now?” she sputtered. “I was just teasing you about the proposal.”

 

“I know you were, but there shouldn’t be a question,” he retorted angrily. “You shouldn’t have to ask that question. You should get a romantic proposal. And a dream wedding. And a wedding shower and bachelorette party and _everything_ every other engaged woman gets. Instead, you have to wait for me to go to therapy with my wife before I can even get you a ring. Seems real fair to you, doesn’t it?”

 

“I don’t care about all that.”

 

“But you should, dammit! You should be fucking pissed that I robbed you of all that with my wandering dick.”

 

“Wandering dick?” She tried not to snicker but lost that battle quickly. “Did you just call your penis the Wandering Dick? What is it? A lost detective?”

 

“Stop trying to make me feel better.”

 

“Funny. I just said the same thing to my sister.”

 

His face drained of color. “You told Prim?”

 

“She’s coming to visit soon. She needs to meet you.”

 

“Oh, fuck,” he mumbled under his breath.

 

“She’ll love you. Now back to this penis problem of yours, is it like spotted dick? Can I eat it?”

 

He stared at her, unwilling to let go of his angst, until she tugged his zipper down and freed him. When he didn’t stop her, she lowered her mouth to his crotch.

 

“We have so much to talk about, but first…”

 

“It doesn’t taste that great,” he breathed, but she waved his weak protest off with a flick of her fingers.

 

“I think it does.”

 

She grinned at his grunt when she took him in her mouth. He was flaccid, but she was convinced she could change that if he’d only let go of his tortured thoughts.

 

“Shit, that feels good,” he hissed and let his head fall back to thunk against the floor. “You don’t have to do this.”

 

“I know I don’t. I want to.”

 

She took her time, allowing herself to explore and experiment. She remembered the first time she blew him. How hard he’d tried to hold off to make it last longer. How excited she’d been to be with him after wanting him for so long. How he’d cradled her head as she bobbed between his legs, completely intent on driving him over the edge.

 

She spread her fingers and raked her nails down his thighs. He bucked under her, and she slowed her movements until he begged her to keep going. Years later, he poured into her, and she swallowed his climax. She licked her lips and watched him as his eyes sagged.

 

“Hey, Peeta.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“When you’re able to propose, I’m going to say yes.”


End file.
